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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thank You From The Bottom Of My Heart

OK, so I'm sorry. :P I didn't know that not blogging one day would worry so many... Andrea texted all in a panic, wanting to know WHAT happened. Poor girl. My mom called. My Aunt wanted to know what was wrong. TONS of comments on the non existent post. I was just having a really bad night, and went to sleep, and decided "screw it". No one cares anyway. I woke up in the morning, added a quick freebie a few hours late, and went about my crappy day. I didn't know it was gonna effect so many people. And for that, I'm truly sorry.

I did have a good day (most of it) on Tuesday. Click HERE to go to my friend Hilary's blog, and you can see the fun stuff we did. I'm in the middle part of the blog - LOL. We went grocery shopping in the morning together, Hilary and Maggie and I and our hubbys went to lunch at El Taco Tote, then Hilary and I went to Sams and Walmart and The Dollar Tree to get the rest of the food type items we needed.

Captain America was home a bit later than normal from work, and got onto Jake a little because Jake hadn't worked on his Boy Scout stuff like he'd promised his dad he'd do. And for some reason, the grouchiness got to me. Started me feeling bad about myself.

Then, Captain America was a little upset because I couldn't find the right picture frame at Walmart. Honestly, I think he was just grouchy from work. You know how that is. Work can suck sometimes, and it's hard to separate from work and home. Anyway, a little bit of grouchiness spilled over to me, and given my funk as of late, I didn't handle it well.

What should have been a discussion turned into a big argument, and then I was gone. I just started feeling more and more sad and depressed. And I couldn't seem to get myself out of it. I wasn't in a very good place.

At 9pm, I headed out to Walmart to get another frame. A different Walmart. He didn't want me to go. He said he'd get one later. But I was feeling down, and stubborn. My messed up logic said, "I'll show him, I'll go drive around El Paso, going to every Walmart in town, just to prove that I can get the picture frame". Sigh.

So I drove 20 minutes over to the East side, and they had nothing. I saw the spot they should have had it, but it was gone. And the lines were HORRIBLE! Even the jewelry department and electronics counter had 8-9 people in it. I don't know what was up with this particular Walmart (it's not usually that bad), but I just turned around and left.

There was another one closer to the boarder that I decided to go to. I hadn't been to that particular Walmart before. A little south of I-10. And there were TONS of parking spots. And no one in the store. And the people were pretty friendly. And they had the 11x17 frame. So I was happy-ish.

I don't know if driving helped cleared my head at all or not. I was gone for about an hour and a half driving around. I really wasn't in a very good emotional place. I ended up sitting in the driveway for another 30 minutes, just sitting there.

I came inside, and Captain America was doing Scouts stuff with the 2 oldest boys. And they seemed to be enjoying themselves. That's good, considering how tense it'd gotten earlier.

I went to the back patio, because I didn't wanna interact with people at all, and read part of my new book, the #3 book in the Hunger Games trilogy. It was pretty good, but I was having a hard time focusing. I was still pretty upset.

Captain America came out a few times and tried to talk, and even had me come inside at one point to talk, but I was being stubborn. Did you know I can be stubborn? Yup. Not a good thing sometimes. He was really trying to help me feel better. He saw that I wasn't in a good place, but I wasn't budging. When I get upset, I don't talk. And I wish I could, but I don't. And I'm sure Captain America wishes I could too.

Usually I don't have this much troubles. But, like I said, it's been a really off week. And I could feel myself spiraling down. And the pity party continued. I ended up sleeping on the couch (and really, I wasn't even mad at that point, so I don't know why I did - Captain America had gone to bed much earlier).

I know at one point, he came out and put a blanket on me. Cause he loves me, and was watching out for me. I'm really glad that I have him. Sure, he's Man-ish a lot, but he really does love me. I know that. I know how lucky I am to have him.

Anyway, I didn't feel any better when I woke up. I did get the kids off to school, and Captain America tried to talk to me some more, and I wasn't mad anymore, but just sad. And he felt bad that he couldn't get me out of my funk.

I spent part of the morning on the back porch, just sitting there. Captain America had to go to work, and was back about 30 minutes later. He'd emailed something to the commander, but it didn't go through. So he had to come back home and re-do it. Then do a few more little projects for the commander. So he was here for about another hour. Probably not that long.

Anyway, Hilary had been texting me, and knew that I was struggling. And said she was coming over. Part of me welcomed someone trying to help me out, but part of me wanted to go and hide in my room all day. We'd made plans to go out, but I backed out because of my HORRIBLE mood. She said she didn't care, that she'd cancel all the plans, and just come and hang out and help me feel better.

She got here, and we went to the back patio, and I was a mess. Hopefully she'll still be my friend now that she's seen me a total mess. hehe. I think she will :) We talked (well, she talked - I just kinda sat there and looked pathetic) and she tried to help me feel better and get out of my funk.

We got Jimmy on the bus, and sometime after lunch, we headed over to her house. I wasn't really feeling a lot better, but I was dealing with feeling crappy a bit better. I'm a good faker. And sometimes you can even trick yourself into feeling better. So I was giving it a shot.

Our two families are going camping this weekend together, and she and I worked on our shopping list for food. We cook all the food together, and pool the supplies. Works pretty good. So we made up a menu for the days we were gonna be there, then went through and listed the ingredients that we'd need to run the menu. Then we went down the ingredients list to see which items we already had at our houses. H for Harty and N for Nouhan, then blank for things we had to buy.

After we got the list together, we headed to the grocery store. We got most of the stuff on the list before we had to get me back home for Jimmy's bus. I kept all the food at my house, since I have an extra fridge.

I really am glad that Hil came over. I've never really called on friends when I felt that bad before. I'd always just hid. And muddled through somehow. And while it KILLS me to have other people see me "weak", I know it's not a bad thing. It's nice to know that someone cares enough to be there for you. Thanks, girl. You're the best :)

I looked like crap, but had an appointment to go to. Oh well. This was as good as it was getting, looks wise, for the day. I didn't really care too much.

I picked up Jimmy from the bus with the truck, and headed up to the school to grab the other 3 kids out. We headed home, picked up Captain America (who'd just got there from work) and Jake, and headed to Jacob's doctor appointment.

Remember I said that he was diagnosed with very mild autism spectrum disorder. The doctor wanted to see us all as a family. So he took Jake and chatted with him alone for about 5 minutes, then called us all back. The kids all played in the office together, and Captain America and I and the doctor chatted in an adjoining room for a bit. I think he's just trying to get the feel for us before he tells us what we should do. Or at least, I hope. It's the 2nd visit, and we don't really know a lot more than we did at the beginning.

He did say, I think Jacob is just how he is. Very true. We have to remember that's he's not gonna be something he's really not. He's not gonna be Mr. Social. It's just not in his make up. We need to be working within Jacobs strengths.

Anyway, he wanted to know if Jake was in the EFMP (exceptional family member program). Nope, since the doc had JUST diagnosed him. He said to hurry downstairs to their office, and start the paperwork. OK. It was a lot of running and elevators and waiting, but we finally got the paperwork. Then had to go back up to the original doctor and give him the paperwork. They're gonna call when he's done with it, and I can come back to the hospital (great), pick it up, and deliver it to the EFMP office.

After all that craziness, we loaded back up in the truck, and headed to Captain America's buddy's house, Joe, to pick up our trailer. Joe PCS'd to Ft Sill, but still owns a house here. We're watching it for him, and keeping our trailer there cause we're not supposed to have it on post.

Anyway, we needed the trailer for camping. Captain America hooked it up, and we drove back on post. I was still feeling a bit down, so I went and tried to take a nap. But it didn't really work. The kids had cereal and fruit for dinner (yeah, they weren't pleased about that, but I didn't have time to cook dinner because we didn't get home until 5:30pm). We had to leave for Scouts a little after 6:30pm.

I'm not sure where that hour went, but it went pretty fast. Before I knew it, we were rushing to get kids out the door. Captain America had had to go back to work, so I was taking all 5 kids. Joyous.

I dropped off the 3 big kids for the activities at the church, and headed home. Captain America was there now (I guess they didn't need to stay after all), and he changed the oil in my truck and kept the 3 little boys. Hilary and I headed to Sam's to get the last few things on our food shopping list.

I was feeling a bit better by this point. The funk was definitely still there, but I wasn't all weepy and junk. I hate acting like that.... Puke! I wanted to kick my own butt for acting so sissy-ish. hehe.

We got the stuff we needed, and she dropped my back off at my house, then went back to church to grab her family. And grabbed mine while she was at it, and brought my kids back. Thanks, girl! That was extra nice of ya!

We got the kids into bed, and I sat down to design. Usually Thursday night is my designing nite, cause the newsletter goes out on Friday morning. But there was a schedule change for this week only, and the newsletter is getting built Thursday AM. So I needed to have my designing done on Wednesday night. Great. Just what I wanted to do. Use creativity. Yeah, not feeling it.

I did manage to get my 5 WordArt packs designing and ready and in the store. Wanna see???

Click HERE to go to my store to check out my new stuff for the week. Only $2.00 for the first week or so.

So anyway, here it is, 1:30am. And I blogged. And it wasn't pretty. I'm sorry. Life isn't always pretty. It's messy at times, and uncomfortable. But it's necessary. If we don't know the bad times, we really truly can't know the good times. I believe that. And I truly hope that I feel a lot better when I wake up. I'm leaps and bounds better than last night. That's for sure.

Thursday, I'm going to a Doctors appointment with Captain America in the morning about some staples that are causing him troubles from a Spleenectomy back in '95. Then, I'm packing most of the day. Then, hopefully, after the men get off work, we'll head up to Ruidoso, NM for a camping trip. Same place as before (Memorial Day).

Which means I'm gonna have to get some pre-blogging in.... Anyone wanna donate some extra hours to my day? Cause if I stay awake much later, I'm not gonna be feeling too good tomorrow, and we DON'T want that again.

Click on the link below to go to my account to download the PNG file, and leave some love if you like my work. Thanks!


Rubypat said...

I feel for you. I remember pre-menopausal symptoms - I would just want to hibernate for a week each month. Anything and everything would upset me and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I hope that there are better days ahead; that the weekend proves a happy time, and that you are soon back to your happy, cheerful self. God bless.

Diane said...

Whew! I was worried, but I didn't panic. I do hope your symptoms subside. I feel your pain.

LOVE your word art! Thanks so very much for sharing your life and beautiful words with us.


D :)

yabb2u said...

Bethany, you are a walking wonder woman! I do not know how you manage to get through your days with so many kids and activities, let a lone a husband, house and digital design!
I say you are entitled to as many off days as you need!
IF it is realted to hormonal imbalance I can totally relate also...I became totally unbalanced after a hysterectomy (ovaries intact) I actually had my levels tested and it took 2 years for them to settle back to "normal" but emotionally I am forever different. Mine comes out as deep dark funk with anger...not a good combination let me tell ya! Not fun to be behaving like a psycho at 36 but it is genuinely out of my control! Most people would be totally unaware of my "issues" as I am a great faker also.
One of my GFs (love em dearly) put me onto a product called 30 Plus which is a natural supplement to help with the mood swings and other related symptoms (oh the sugar cravings). What a difference they made for me, a week without them and I was back to being Angry Teary Mum again!
Not sure if they are available over there but I am absolutely sure that there will be a similar product to suit! Give em a go! U will be totally amazed to feel you again, it was like someone had lifted 10 tonnes of pressure from me! Heres a link to the site few pages to see.. http://www.30plus.com.au/symptoms.asp.
OK all that aside, have a great weekend camping the fresh air is one of the best tonics we can all get! Hope there is no rain this weekend :0) You are an amazing woman and an awesome wife & mother!! I truly love your honest and endearing style of blogging & you are one of the few that I ACTUALLY take the time to read, so thanks for letting me & the rest of us be a part of your family too! **HUGS**

Anonymous said...

Just glad you are okay... and everyone else is okay... we worry about you all you know!!
love Desleigh

Celticbabe said...

Hi, Bethany! I was also worried about you yesterday when I opened up my reader. I am glad that nothing worse than what happened happened. I am sorry that you are going through this. I will ask Heavenly Father to send you some extra comfort and help to find the path through to the other side. I really enjoy your blog. I get wistful reading it when you talk about all the things you do with your family and friends. My children are ages 6, 4, 2 and 8 weeks so I am where you were several years ago--not being able to go anywhere and if you did it was with ALL of them. Not so fun. And I don't have any real friends at this time in my life. My best friend went a different way when she joined a new religion whose pastor is a former LDS memeber and now teaches his congregation how awful, evil, and stupid we are. I really miss her, but there you go. So I live vicariously through you. :) I hope you have a wonderful time camping this weekend. I am envious of that too! :) Please know that people you have never met care about you! Thank you for sharing your life with us! Thank you for your designs! You are a talented woman and a great wife and mother. Don't ever forget that you are a beloved daughter of God and He is there at all times of the day and night!

cathy said...

Bethany, I look forward to your blog each and every day and when you weren't there yesterday, I worried about you and your family. From some of the comments I have read, you are loved and respected by an awful lot of people. We've all been there and we'll all be there for you! Thoughts and prayers.....

Anonymous said...


You are an awesome woman, thank you for sharing your life trials and tribulations with us (the world) I enjoy reading your blog. I hope that you feel better soon and that your funk subsides. Thank you also for making your wonderful word art freebies. truly appreciated.

MouserMo said...

Thank you for freebies. Link on your post was added to PickleMouse freebie list

deb said...

Thank you for the word art. Glad you logged in and let us know you're alive and kicking.

Angie said...

Bethany, I'm so happy that you're doing better. I don't know what I'd do without your blog .. it's part of my daily ritual .. it speaks to me. I think what draws me in is that you sound like me! I just know that if you lived here in Halifax, we'd be great friends ;o) Anyway, I wish I was there to give you a great big hug and do something to help, but I'm so happy that you have such a wonderful friend in Hilary .. you rock girl! Sending you both cyber hugs! And thank you so much for the great WA. It's beautiful, just like you :o)