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Saturday, August 14, 2010

Pity Party

OK, girls, I SOOOO wasn't gonna hit publish on that post. Well, maybe. Or not. Ahhh, I hadn't made up my mind yet. I was just blogging, and was gonna save it to decide later. And I guess i put the wrong date in, because it sure published itself.... *shrugs embarassedly* (and yes, I can use that word... ha!)

Anyway, if you have no idea about what I'm talking about, you can find the "post that was never supposed to be" HERE.

Anyway, this post is gonna pick up where that one left off. Me getting ready to go to Chuck E Cheese with the family, showering, so I don't look like this. hehehe.

Me after my shower. Much better, right? hehehe
I made dinner for the kids at home so I didn't have to buy pizza at Chuck E's. Because I'm cheap. And I'd JUST gone grocery shopping. Frugal. Maybe that's a better word...

Anyway, I started some homemade mashed potatoes, and some pork. I bought some thin pork steaks, and cut them into bite sized pieces. Then, I made up a Basil and Tomato marinade, and poured it over the meat, and cooked it in a cast iron skillet. And added a diced can of stewed tomatoes, and some more basil. OMHeavens, it smelled yummy :)

So when food was done, I dished up my weight serving of meat for myself, then split the remaining between the 7 kids and Maddie and Uncle Joe. I measured out my portion of potatoes before I put the real butter in them (sigh), but it was SUCH a small amound I could have eaten that I decided to forgoe the Mashed Potatoes for a WHOLE bag of diet kettle corn. Yeah, much better choice - LOL.

I had salad with my meat, and it was SO yummy. I'm gonna have to keep that Basil and Tomato marinade on my shopping list. :)

After the kids and grown ups ate, we headed out to Chuck E Cheese. And we should NOT have taken I10. Cause it was backed up. And me missing my exit didn't help. Hey Andrea, if you're reading this, remember when I missed the exit for the Tiger Cub party at Chuck E's? Yeah, I did it again - hehehe.

Anyway, the Nouhans were there too, and Hanilary had printed out coupons for us. Maddie got some tokens for her family, Hilary bought for her family, so I didn't have to buy as many as I was originally gonna get. I figured the $25 for 180 tokens would be enough. But the lady said she could give me an even better deal. 200 for $25. OK, I'll take it :) And then the coin counter ran out of coins so she had to switch the bags of coins mid stream. It sure seemed like we were getting a lot.

I went to our table, sent a kid to get me a diet soda, and started separating our 200 coins into 7 piles. We each got 39. Yeah, that SO doesn't add up to 200. But whatever. I just went with it :) We got a better deal than we were supposed to, me thinks :)

Captain America didn't get to Chuck E's until quite a lot later than the rest of us. His platoon was having a meeting, or something. Something about a meeting was all I heard. I hung at the table and chatted with Hilary and Paul while my kids had fun wasting all their tokens. hehe.

The Nouhans gave Joe this AWESOME cowboy hat for his birthday. He was SO happy about it :)

And here's Maddie and I. We both had on skinny jeans and "hooker boots". Knee length boots. We just call them that for fun - hehehe. And I was wearing a shirt that had a built in belt. You know the kind. Yeah, I felt a bit silly, but I think I played off the "young" look ok. hehehe.
These pics are TOTALLY out of order, but I don't care. hehe. I'm tired, it's late, and they're on here. That's all that matters. This is the roller coaster ride I like. It's a 2 person ride, and only takes one coin. Sweet! BUT, I can't sit on it like a normal person. It KILLS my butt bone. So I have to sit sideways almost :) Yes, I'm a bit odd...
Maddie and Joe and Ella at their table
Joe and his Hat
Captain America playing basketball toss (I think he likes Chuck E's better than the kids - rofl!)
Captain America again
Ella and I got this picture taken
Tom playing a game
Jimmy and I
OK, usually, my 2 favorite things in Chuck E's is the drawing booth, where you get that photo like Ella and I had done, and the roller coaster ride. I think I found a NEW favorite. For one token, you can have your picture put into one of these little cards. It was SOOO much fun. I literally could have spent the WHOLE night and ALL my tokens on this booth. But yea, other people wanted to use it too. How rude...

Maddie and her girls
Ella and I
Me and Captain America - aren't we funny!
Tom and I. No, I'm not flipping you off, that's my ring finger...
Eme and Joe (I think she liked this booth just as much as I did. She came away with about 12 cards)
Maddie and I
Joe ( and yeah, Joe is 7. I think I kept putting the wrong age on my post from yesterday...)
Tom and I on the roller coaster, and Captain America jumping in the picture - hehehe
I guess Tom didn't the get memo that we were pretending to be scared. Ha! I obliviously did - hehhe.

Captain America and I on the roller coaster ride
So Hilarys kids took all their tickets up to get prizes near the end of our time, and Joe gathered up all of our families tickets, and got himself a prize. WHAAAAAT? Usually we pool all of the tickets, divide by 5, and that's the prize you got. So Joe got a SWEET prize compared to the rest of my kids. Sorry guys, I guess Joe IS the birthday boy...

Jannie, Joe, and Megan, with Hilare in the background

Jimmy holding Jannie's prize
Eme, looking WAY older than her 8 years...
Joe with his WAY better than it shoudl have been prize.
Eme and I. Yeah, looks like my face melted or something :)
So we stayed till about 9pm at Chuck E Cheeses, then headed home. The adults were going to see Eclipse on post for $2 per ticket. Can't beat that.

We dropped off the kids (Jake was babysitting), and headed up to the movies. Leslie and John were already there saving us seats. Hilary and Paul, and Maddie and Joe came too :) And Danielle, and her oldest daughter (her hubby stayed home with the little kids). It was fun watching the movie with such a nice group of friends :)

We got home late, and I started blogging/designing late. It's now 2:10, and I'm super tired. Goodnight, digiland :) Sleep tight :)

Click on the link below to go to my account to download the PNG file, and leave some love if you like my work. Thanks!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Ever had a crappy day without anything big happening to ruin it? Not like my cat died and I had a crappy day. Or someone stole my wallet kind of crappy day. Or I have the flu kinda crappy day. Nope, not me. I don't need anything major like that. I'm just having a crappy day to have a crappy day, apparently.

I just woke up not happy. Maybe that's the proverbial "wrong side of the bed" kind of thing. Getting into a tiff with the hubby never helps. Sigh. At least by the time he went to work we were happy with each other again. I think that's important.

I know some of you have left comments that my life is wonderful, and yeah, some of the times it IS wonderful. But you know, I have problems and my family has problems, just like everyone else's family has problems. And if you think that other people's families don't have problems, they're just better at hiding them. Honestly.

I do edit my life to make it more "reader friendly". I know, my extended family thinks that I don't "edit" enough. hehehe. And maybe that's the case. I want it to be real, without "airing dirty laundry" real. Know what I mean? That would be a WHOLE different blog, me thinks...

Anyway, things were getting me down today. Non blog friendly things. We all have them.... I'm sure there was a bit of feeling sorry for myself going on. OK, maybe a bit more than a bit. Maybe a pity party would be more the case :)

Part of the problem too was my eating. I have food issues. I know I've told you this before, but maybe not gone into details. I struggle with Bulimia. But I was never really very good at it - ROFL! Which is why I was always heavy. Leads back to the pity party, of I can't even have an eating disorder right - hehe.

Anyway, it wasn't every too out of control. If I just ate anything I wanted, I had no issues. It is when I started to diet that we'd run into problems. I'd go for 5-6 hours on a plan, eating what i should, and not be able to control myself any longer, and eat TONS of food. Then try and make myself puke. Which was never very successful. I mean, you get better, but it wasn't very effective.

But when I finally found this current diet I'm on, I went for 6 months on it, with no cheats. Which also means no bulimic slips either. When I'm on a regimented diet, and stick with it, I find I feel safe and secure, and don't "have" to purge. I know, I don't "have" to anytime, but my messed up thinking tells me it's the eating of the food in the first place that's the bad thing, not the actual purging (which I know is wrong, too).

Anyway, each time I'm on my "diet", I don't have purging issues. I lose all the weight from the diet, and from eating the right things, at the right times, in the right way. I feel proud of that fact. Which is why I need to stay on my diet. There's safety there...

I backslid a few times on this diet. I've been at 140 three different times. Once in October of 08, once summer of 09, and then now. I'm worried about the backsliding... Hopefully I'll be strong enough to keep this up.

Yesterday, when buying the ice cream for Joe's cake, which I was TOTALLY gonna eat, I started to let myself get depressed. I was afraid that I woudln't be able to stop eating the cake and ice cream. That one piece would be the "gateway drug" into sneaking the rest of the leftover cake into my room (and the ice cream) and eating it. I didn't want to do that. And so the internal battle started.

Eat the cake. Just eat one serving of the cake and ice cream. Don't touch the cake. Leave it alone. But you like cake. You made your favorite. You picked out your favorite ice cream. Normal people can eat one serving of cake and ice cream and not have issues. You must not be normal. What's wrong with you..... And it spiraled out of control from there.

I didn't eat anything that night. I'd had lunch at McDonalds, but didn't eat anything else. So not only was my head not in a good thinking place in the morning when I woke up, but I wasn't in a good physical place either. I don't know why I do this to myself...

Anyway, Captain America ironed out our "tiff", and it was late before he left for work. I printed out my shopping list for food, and headed to the store with Eme and Joe. Everyone else wanted to stay home. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, or anything. I tried to put on my happy face, but it wasn't working so well.

Plus, now that it was 11:30am, and I hadn't eaten since 1pm the day before, I wasn't feeling so good. We were out of apples, and yogurt, and cheese, and cucumbers, all the safe things that I could have eaten at home. Some in my messed up logic, I was gonna wait until I got home with the groceries to eat.

It almost did me under picking up the soda box and putting it in the cart. It was then that I realized that I needed to get home and eat. What I was doing was wrong. I needed some food.

We somehow managed to get home, and Captain America was there for lunch. He helped the kids carry in the groceries, and I laid down on my bed for a while. I got an apple, and ate it, albeit slowly. But I ate the whole thing. Captain America only had about 10 minutes before he had to go back to work, so I sat on a stool and directed the kids to put the groceries away. They were very good at helping poor, weak mom.

Once they were all put away, I got my yogurt, and had my "lunch". And in about 10 minutes, I started to feel a bit better. It's amazing what food will do for you.

I had the kids put on their swim clothes, and we headed out to the pool at around 1:15pm. Did I forget to say that Maddie's hubby, Joe, flew in last night? They'd gone to the PX for breakfast this morning, then the thrift store after that. When I headed out for shopping, they headed out to the sprinkler park, and we were gonna meet up at the pool.

But we never met up at the pool. I haven't seen them since around 11am, but I'm sure they're having a FABULOUS time with Joe (Uncle Joe). He's a good guy.

Anyway, we only stayed at the pool for about 45 minutes. Enough time to jump in and cool off, then the kids wanted to go home. And since I didn't have any friends there, or even was really in the mood to hang with friends if they had happened to be there, we left. The kids took a unanimous vote, and we came home.

And while I really wanted to lay down and take a nap, I grabbed my laptop, hooked it up to a monitor, and started blogging. But felt back because there was no pictures. Because I hadn't done anything all day picture worthy. Because I was having an "I suck" day.

But you know what? Writing all of this has been VERY cathartic for me, I think. Keeping feelings bottled up inside isn't good for anyone. And I'd been feeling like I don't have anyone close to share things with. There's only so much that husbands can handle, girl talk wise. Girl complaining. They don't really know how to best handle that. So, I'm complaining to you all. And really, writing down feelings is a good thing. Maybe not sharing them with the whole of the digiscrap community (hehe), but expressing feelings is a good thing.

Anyway, I don't know why I felt the need to "bare my soul" to everyone. That's probably a lot of info that you didn't need. But, I'm a real person, and real people have problems. Messy problems. And hopefully you understand me a little bit more now. I struggle with things just like everyone else does.

But I'm trying to work thru them. I'm trying to get better, to be better. And it's a daily process. I'm around food ALL the time. I have to make a conscious effort NOT to steal my kids food and eat it. I have to make a conscious effort NOT to make cookie dough and smuggle it in my bedroom nightly. And I've come to realize that it's just something that's gonna be a part of my life. That's just how my brain is wired. As long as I recognize that, and take steps to overcome it, and manage it, I'll be ok.

Now I don't know if I even wanna post this. Maybe I'll just go back and delete it, and start over again tonight. If you're reading this, I decided to let me internal babble stand - hehehe. I don't know, maybe someone out there need to hear this, and needs to know that they're not alone. That other people struggle with things like this too, and that you CAN do it. Maybe I need to hear that myself :)

I remember when I lived in Oregon, I had 2 miscarriages. Both at 11 weeks, and both cases, the baby had stopped growing at around 5-7 weeks. Or something like that. Anyway, it was hard, but I dealt with it well. I'm a strong person, who doesn't like showing emotion. The first time, I told EVERYONE that I was pregnant, and had to go back and tell everyone that I wasn't pregnant. That was hard.

The second time, I didn't tell ANYONE outside the family that I was pregnant, and didn't have tell anyone we'd miscarried, but I didn't have that support, either, cause no one knew... Anyway, it was hard, but I endured well, and don't really think about it with upset feelings anymore.

SO, when we moved to Joliet, I had a friend that had tried for 10 years to get pregnant, and finally had 1 baby. Then got pregnant with #2, and miscarried. And I was able to help her thru it, because I'd had miscarriages of my own. I knew what to say to her, and what not to say. What would make her feel better, and what wouldn't.

Anyway, my point with that story was, sometimes I feel like I had the experiences with the miscarriages so that I could be there to help my friend. So that I could truly have empathy for her. Because I truly had been in her shoes. And maybe that's what my eating disorder can be too. A chance to help someone else, because I know what they're going through. I want to think that I can turn it into a positive, and not have it constantly be a negative.

Wow, that was a lot. Anyway, it's 3pm, Maddie and Joe just walked in the door from where ever they were, and I'm gonna go take a shower . We're going to Chuck E Cheese tonight as a family (and with Maddie and Joe and kids and the Nouhans), and I don't wanna look like this:

hehe. At least the sad/bad feelings have mostly left :) Thanks, girls, for listening to me. I really do feel a little bit better. At lot better, actually. You all help me, you know. A lot of time I get out of bed and go places and do things JUST for you. So that I have something new and fun and exciting to report to you at the end of the day. You keep me grounded :) So, thanks to you all :)


First off, it's the BEGINNING of our big sale at Scrapbookgraphics! The Golden Oldies sale!!! Click HERE to go and give it a look-see.

And what do I have in the Golden Oldies section, you ask? WELL, remember that 20 wordart pack bundle for $11.11 I did a week ago or so? WELL, it went over so well, I made a few more. Here's 20 Summery WordArt packs for only $12. That's $0.60 a pack. Not too shabby.

Click on the image below to go to the product

And this is a smaller bundle. 10 WordArt packs for only $6.00. Still $0.60 a pack, though :)

Hey girlies! What's happening? Long day again yesterday :) SUPER long, in fact. I woke up around 6am, cause I couldn't sleep. I had my Tummy Tuck consult at 8am, and needed to get up at 6:45am to get ready in time. Sigh. So I tried to sleep in till around 6:30, then finally got up.

I fixed my hair and make up, and got dressed. Here's the finished product. I've gotten good at hiding the extra skin. hehehe. Do you like my phone? Zebra is cool, you know...

Captain America came home from PT at around 7am, and we both got ready together. We headed out to the place at 7:30ish. It wasn't too far from our house. Closer to downtown. At University Medical Center offices. Nice place :) PLUS, we passed a Fallas Paredes on the way, and it wasn't in a scary neighborhood like I thought it was from the online map. WOOHOO!

Anyway, we sat and waited for almost an hour before they brought us back to see the doctor. Here's me, playing with all my extra skin. Yeah, that's ALL skin. See how far I can pull it? Remember, I've lost just a little over 100 lbs. That's a TON of skin....

So the doctor knocked on the door a little after this, and I hurried and tucked my extra skin back in my pants and acted normal. hehehe. Well, normal is relative, you know... ha!

Anyway, doctor came in, we talked about my weight loss, and he said he wanted me to put on a gown. This gown looked like it was made out of paper towels. And not Bounty. The cheap paper towels that break when you get them wet. Yeah, don't pour water on me - ROFL! Here's me sporting my awesome gown.

So the doctor FINALLY came back in to see me, him and his nurse. And Captain America was there. So I laid back on the table, and the doctor dude felt my nasty stomach skin. And poked and prodded and had me try to sit up, then announced that I had 2 hernias in my belly area, and separated stomach muscles. Dang, that's not good. He had me feel it, and I could feel something. Captain America didn't look too happy about it. He was worried.

So the doctor said that we had a case to present to the insurance. It wasn't a cosmetic reason to get it done. Sweet. Well, besides the fact that there's really something wrong with me, that is. He said it was probably due to so many pregnancies. Yeah, that would do it.

So he went and got the office camera, and took photos to submit to the insurance. Nice. I had to stand naked by the wall, rotating so he could get all angles. Let me tell you, THAT was uncomfortable. Me, naked, with 3 other people in the room. Sigh. The things we do to be beautiful. Oh yeah, and get medically necessary things done. hehehe. I don't want herniated stomach muscles...

So I FINALLY got to put my clothes back on, signed some papers, talked to the insurance lady, talked to a scheduling person, and got to go. They have me scheduled on September 29th, pending insurance. Apparently the insurance sometimes approves for this, and sometimes doesn't. They always should, since it's medically necessary, but it just depends on who you get. So keep your fingers crossed for me :)

Captain America and I stopped at Fallas on the way home, since it was RIGHT on the way home, looked around for about 1o minutes, and off we went. I found a few $3 shirts. I LOVE a good deal.

Maddie and her girls had gone to the thrift store by the time we got back home, and I worked on my Golden Oldies sale items for a bit. Captain America got lunch, and headed back to work a bit before noon.

When Maddie got back home, she and I and all 7 of our kids headed out to McDonalds, over by where we were today at the doctor. It was a NICE McDonalds with an inside playland. Here's a few pics from our afternoon.

Joe, the Birthday Boy, and I (sporting my new yellow shirt from Fallas ($2.00))

Me and Joe and Jim
Maddie and I
Lily and Jake
Me and my soda

Joe and Jimmy playing at the playland
Ella and Joe and Jim

Tom and I
Hilary was babysitting a few of Laurie's kids today, and stuck at home because she had no car. So when her hubby came home for lunch, she dropped him back off after lunch, grabbed Laurie's 2 kids, dropped by my house to find my missing wallet (I was gonna need it to get back on post...), and joined us at McDonalds. We all had a fun time. So we had 12 kids between the 3 of us. Wow!

Here's Joe and Hilary
And a pic of the giant playland

After everyone was done eating, we drove across the street to Fallas and looked around a bit. Jake spent his babysitting monies on GI Joe toys (the real ones), and Joe wanted to spend his birthday money on them too.

We were only there for about 30 minutes, which actually is a long time with 3 grown ups and 12 kids (aaaahhhh!), then headed home.

Captain America and us got home at about the same time, which was nice. I whipped up a b-day cake for Joe, and got it in the oven. We got the kids situated, and he and I and Joe snuck over to the commissary to pick up some ice cream. Joe picked out strawberry, and I wanted something with white ice cream and chocolatey gooey insides. Found the perfect one, and we headed home.

Jake and Eme had been in charge of the cake, and it was cooling nicely. I spread the coconut pecan frosting on it, and decorated it with army dudes. It looked pretty cool :)

I took a movie of us signing to Joe, but it's still on my camera. I'll get it off of there later :)

Here's Jimmy and I. Neither one of us felt particularly well. I didn't feel good from the carrots from yesterday, I think...

Joe with his GI Generic army guys from Lily
GI Generic from Ella
Lily with cake
Ella with Cake

Joe with army dudes
Joe with GI Joes from Mom and Dad
Joe with his present from his daddy
Joe's present from Tom

Joe was like, WHAAAAAAt is THIIIIIIIS? when Eme gave him a page with Meircats on it. hehehe. We always tease him that he's a meircat. ROFL! (and I don't care that that's misspelled...)
Joe with GI Generics from Grandma Lyn
I ended up skipping on the cake. I wasn't feeling too good. I was a bit stressed out, and kinda felt sick to my stomach. So I skipped it. Looking back, I really wanted it. I still do. But I"ll resist. I'll have some cake and ice cream on Jake's b-day on the 31st.

So I sat down at my computer, and didn't move for the longest time. Kids played with friends, and played on Wii, and did whatever for the evening. Captain America had a game. I really wanted to go, but I couldn't get my big sale work done AND do the game. Sigh.

I got 3 WordArt bundles together for the Golden Oldies sale. 2 packs of 20 and 1 pack of 10. It took forever, but I liked how they turned out :) So no new stuff this week. But bundles. Cause EVERYONE likes bundles, right? hehe.

Click on the link below to go to my account to download the PNG file, and leave some love if you like my work. Thanks!