June 2012 Alphabet "E"

Hey girls :) Yesterday was better. Less crying. That's a good thing. I actually showered and got pretty too! It's been a while.

CPT and Jake were home until 3, so we decided to all do lunch together. We had to drop Eme off at 8am at Volleyball camp in the morning, then hung out at home. Jake woke up around 9. He watched cartoons with the little boys. Although, at one point, CPT did hear the cartoons noise change. He went to check on the kids, and Jake had somehow convinced them to change the program to something that HE wanted to watch. Jim later told us that Jake had said "THIS IS DUMB" over and over and over until they relented and let him watch what he wanted to watch.... Poor little boys. CPT fixed it and they got to watch their cartoons again.

Eventually, it was noon-ish, and we went to pick up Emeline. We told everyone that we were going for Chinese. Jake just wanted to go to the youth center. He didn't want to go to family lunch. So we left him at the Youth Center. And we all headed out for lunch.

A while back, the girls and I had gone to lunch at a SUPER yummy and cheap place on Dyer. It used to be an Italian joint, I'm guessing, because there were statues of Italian chefs out front. LOL. And they never took them down. So it's a Chinese restaurant with Italian chefs out front. CPT was dubious. The place looked shady. Plus is WAS on Dyer. That place IS shady.

But it was SUPER cute on the inside. They dumped all their money inside. You sat at tables with couches. They had a HUGE circular fish tank that the boys were fascinated with. We ordered off of the lunch menu, and it was only around $4.50 per person! Awesome! And the portions were MASSIVE! We all brought food back for dinner! hehe :) So now I didn't have to cook, either :)

Jim got Sweet & Sour chicken, Eme got pepper steak, Joe and I got the almond chicken, and CPT got... um... yeah, I can't remember. Something with beef. It was good! We all got the white rice with it. It came with egg drop soup. They brought us little bowls, and a HUGE bowl of soup for our table. The kids LOVED the soup. We ordered 2 orders of Crab Ragoon to share. LOVE that stuff. And we got some crunchy thingys for the soup. Yeah, I LOVE that restaurant!

After lunch, we went to Walmart for a few necessities. And ended up meandering the store for an hour or so. We ended up talking to a grandma lady about special needs to quite some time. She hugged us when we were done. hehe. She made us promise to take the kids to the Grand Canyon before we left the El Paso area. LOL.

Then we headed back home. CPT and Joe washed the cars, and I headed to my doctors appointment. It was just a meds recheck. I think they wanna make sure that I'm not getting depressed again. And can you blame them? With the amount of stress going on in my life???

I said how I was feeling a bit anxious a lot, and a bit depressed. But how it was to be expected, what with all the crap going on. How I've been crying a lot, and been not as interested in the things that I used to be interested in. So they upped my antidepressant. We shall see if that works. Hopefully I feel better. Can't make it any worse, right???

When I got home, CPT was ready to head back to camp. He picked up Jake, and off they went. And I haven't heard from them since. No cell reception up there :(

The kids and hunkered down for a Friday night at home. Then Laura texted, and asked if we'd go and collect a package from her doorstep. Sigh. I LOVE Laura, and of COURSE I would, but I'd JUST put on my jammies, and had hunkered...... So I grabbed my purse, and the kids, and loaded into the Saturn, and we headed across town.

We grabbed the box, stashed it in the backyard, and decided to swing by the kids' old school from when we first moved to El Paso. Laura lives REALLY close to there. Then we drove by our old house. The new tenants had planted shrubs and put down some decorative rock. It looked really nice.

Then we headed home, and hunkered for real. LOL. I watched a few episodes of that newer series "The River", and the kids watched TV. Then I put everyone to bed, and yup, that was our Friday night.

The men (CPT, Jake, and Tom) come home on Saturday. But I'm not sure what time. They said noon. I'm not holding my breath. hehe. But miracles DO happen - ha!

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June 2012 Alphabet "d"

So, I only have 2 new releases for today, but I do have 2! And that's better than nothing, right? hehe :) Hope you like them! Click HERE to go to my store :) Layouts by Sharon :)



Not much time for an update, I'll be brief. This past week, Jake has been as Scout Camp with his dad. Because we were afraid to have him at home with me and the little kids by ourselves. CPT and Jake came home on Thursday night because Jake was refusing to obey. Not being violent or anything, but just not following rules. Not going to classes. Getting other kids to give him money. Borrowing pocket knives to carve weapons to use in the zombie apocalypses. That kind of thing. He was distracting from the other Scouts experience. And yelling at his dad and cussing him out too. That's not acceptable. So CPT brought him back for the evening

They are gonna go back Friday around 3, to make the closing campfire, then gather up stuff on Saturday AM, get Tom, and come back home as scheduled. I was happy to see CPT. I've missed him.

And the insurance came thru for the Residential Treatment facility in San Marcos! Jake and I fly out on Monday. I check him in on Monday, spend the night in San Marcos, then fly back home on Tuesday. And I get to see Kim, and my sister might drive over to see me too! And one of my blog/facebook friends said she might come see me too! Anyone else wanna come see me???? I'll be there Monday night and Tuesday morning! Party in San Marcos, Texas!!!

Bring lots of Chocolate and DDP (Or Diet dew, your choice!!!) CPT is staying at home to take care of the other kids, so it'll be a girls party!

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Big sigh

So I know that heavenly father will not give us more than we can bear. That is the theory. Right? Ive been taught that all my life. So if I'm still breathing, I'm supposed to take it, right? I think I may be at my limit. I haven't made it thru a single day in June dry eyed. And that's unlike me. I'm wanting to stay home and not come go out. To hide. To retreat from the world. I don't sleep well at night, and when I do, it have violent or creepy nightmares.

We finally got Jakes diagnosis. Not autism. Not aspergers. He is Bipolar 2. And conduct disorder. Do you know what Conduct Disorder is? It's what they call Antisocial personality behavior in adolescents. Or in other words, psychopaths (what they called it before they gave it the PC name). The people who go on a rampage and kill their family in their sleep and don't feel remorse. They have no conscience. I gave birth to a psychopath.....

Here's what Wikipedia had to say about Conduct Disorder :

Callous unconcern for the feelings of others.

Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations.

Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them.

Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence.

Incapacity to experience guilt or to profit from experience, particularly punishment.

Markedly prone to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society.

Yeah, that can definitely be jake. See why we though aspergers? And medicating for the bipolar and then the depression let the conduct disorder run wild. He became interested in people, and then used them to get what he wanted, with no reguard to them. When we last took him to the psychiatrist, she said that he had no real bond or attachment to the family. That it scary.... Very scary and disturbing. Probably why he likes the hospital so well, and doesn't mind going there so often.

Anyway, I feel used up and spent. I have nothing left to give. I am functioning on empty. CPT and Tom and Jake are at Boy Scout Camp this week. So I get a slight break. I sill have appointments and doctors appointments and am trying to get him in San Marcos. But now I have no babysitter. So I get to drag 3 little kids along. At least CPT has Jake for the week and I'm not afraid for our physical well-being...