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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I'm Retiring

Yup.  It's that time.  I'm retiring.  I hate to do it.  But it's been a long time coming.  CPT and I have really tried to make it work, but yeah, it's not working.  And I don't have the time or mental energy to devote to Scrapbookgraphics to make it work like the owner needs.  So I'm retiring.  Hopefully in a year or so I will be back to normal and 100% and back into the designing scene!  I hope.  That's my goal.  Who knows where I will be in a year, right?

Anyway, I've always had social anxiety and been a pleaser person.  I've blogged about this before.  Then about 3 years ago, I had the stint in the mental hospital for depression, where they put me on anti-depressants.  Which fixed the social anxiety.  And when CPT deployed, I spent the year in therapy, fixing myself.  I knew I had a lot to work on.  And I felt that I learned and grew SO much. 

So he comes home, and I'm a different person.  A better person.  A stronger person.  One who won't put up with his controlling and critical and mean ways.  And we fought all of 2012.  Horribly.  By Christmas, I knew it couldn't continue.  I told him that we either went to mariage counseling, or it was done.  He agreed.

And after months of counseling and processing a near affair (no sex, but close) on my part back in 2010 (which he never forgave me for and brought up weekly ever since) and working on communication, I put it to him frankly.  Get individual help.  Treat me with kindness.  Stop being critical.  Stop being controlling.  Or I want a divorce.  We had a few more HUGE fights, and he kicked the kids and I out.  I finally got the bishop to convince him to move out instead, but he needed a week to get his things together.  Whatever.....

Luckily, Ms Elaine, my bestie, let us stay with her.  She has 3 kids my kids ages, and her hubby is deployed.  She has her own house in the NE area, and she is SUPER awesome.  Very laid back like me.  Anyway, after being there for a week, she invited us to stay till her hubby came back in November.  Yeah, better than both families being alone.  Plus it would give me time to save money for a rental when the time came.

I know that I wasn't perfect in my marriage.  I know that I had things that I did wrong.  I did try, though.  I gave it my all.  In June, it will be 17 years.  In the end of July, the divorce will most likely be final.  Our therapist says that CPT looks at the kids and I as an extension of himself.  And he can't figure out why he can't perfect us.  He doesn't understand why it doesn't work.  And it frustrates him to no end.  She also said that when I told him I wanted a divorce (if he didn't work on himself), that it opened a narcissistic wound inside of him.

Things are bad between us right now.  He has our savings from the tax return.  He used it for an attorney.  I have what little he decides to give me.  I'm trying to get all of our things moved out of the house on post by myself.  And find a job.  And find an attorney with no money.  And do 500 million other things while raising 5 children, one of whom is mentally ill. 

So yeah.  That's why I don't have the time or the mental energy right now to devote to my store.  As much as I would like to.  BUT, you can go and take a gander at my store!  It's 60% off, and won't be available for a LONG time.  So get it while you can!!!!  Click HERE to go to my store.

I love you guys, and will miss you :)  BIG HUGS!!!!!

27 comments:

Elaine M said...

Oh Hon! I'm so so so sorry you've had to endure such awful things - there's nothing right now that can be said to make it all better - you and the kids will be in my prayers. When the time is right to come back to Elegant Word Art, I'll be right here waiting - you're worth waiting for. Hang in there sweetie and let God be strong in you.
Hugs and blessings

Suzan a.k.a. Smurfie said...

I am sorry to read all this Bethany. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best for the future. Will miss you too!!!! Big hugs!!!

Ida said...

Bethany - as a fellow LDS military spouse (also with 5 kids) I know how hard it all can be. Believe me- I know. My heart goes out to you. I hope in a year's time things will be brighter and better. Stay close to your kids, your family and the Lord. You'll get through this.

Christine said...

Paid a little visit to the shop.
So sorry to hear that you are having to change your lifestyle but sometimes when you look back it was the best decision although the hardest. I will continue to hold you all in my prayers and look forward to the day you feel you can update us all.
You take care and know that there is a lot of love for you out here.
May God go with you and watch over you and strengthen you in all that you do.
(((((hugs))))) xx

Ian & Ruby said...

I know it must have been hard, but hopefully now you can concentrate on moving on with your life, as a better, stronger person, who is aware of her worth and value. God bless.

HeatherK said...

Best of luck to you and your kids during this very difficult time. You are in my prayers.

Tink said...

I am so sorry. The military gives him an allounce for being married with kids, you can go to Jag and get that money sent to you every payday, I did it..

MiniCooper452 said...

I just don't even know what to say other than, I am so sorry that you've had to go through this entire ordeal. Judging by the other comments here, you have loads of prayers and support out here in webworld. We do love you and support your decisions. Know that as much as we love your creativity, we love you more. You're health and well-being are so much more important. God has Blessed you and will continue to Bless you. Maybe not in the ways you expect. But I always try to remember, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans." Much love darling!
Carla
aka: MamaCoop

sdwrdt said...

Want you to know that I went to the shop and bought some things (you are the ONLY person I've ever bought things from - you know me, cheapskate). Hope it helps a little anyway.

Prayers for you. Don't let him off scot-free. They are also his kids and he must also take care of them and give you some time off. Life is hard for both of you.

Don't let him guilt you in to anything less than YOU deserve! You've been taking care of these kids full-time! That IS A JOB!

OK, I'll stop for now.

HighDesertGal said...

So sorry, I knew things were bad by your posts and absence. I,too, visited the shop. We will miss your talents. Don't kick yourself for making the right decision. Stay stong and have a good cry once and a while but you'll make it. Do visit JAG. I know this happened a lot when we were in the Navy. JAG will know your options - unfortunately the only JAG I know who is LDS is Air Force and on the other side on the country.
You've actually been on my mind lately as I watch a sister with similar trials. You don't need "good luck" because Heavenly knows YOU and what YOU need...don't be afraid to ask for help either.
Hugs and best thoughts and prayers. Nancy

Kerry Stanek said...

So sorry to hear this Bethany. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Lesleylynn said...

Oh Bethany I'm so sorry that you to go through this. Just remember you are not alone...

SharonKay said...

Oh Bethany, I am so sorry to hear that things are so bad right now. My heart just breaks for you. Praying for you all.

twinsmomflor said...

I am sorry... I certainly will miss you. I always use your art in my pages. But I understand... We'll be here waiting...

Angeljet said...

I'm so sorry. I will miss, a just found my way to your CT.
But I wish you all the luck and happiness in your life!

Wyatt's Nana said...

I am so sorry about the struggles you have been dealing with. Thank you for all the word art and sharing your talent.I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Better days are ahead. Keep the faith and thank God for the angel he sent you how has taken you in. May you gain strength from your faith. Hang in there! Hugs

Michelle said...

Bethany...I am so sad to hear all that you have been dealing with. Remember the Lord does not give you more than you can handle so when times are real tough know you can make it and the Lord is on your side. I will be praying for you and thinking of you often. You are a very talented person and I really hope once things settle you can find yourself back to creating and get back to your happy place! Take care always!

Unknown said...

So sorry! I have been following your blog for many years and I love your work. You are such a strong person... I know that you can get through this difficult time. I hope that we will be able to see your work and hear that you're doing well real soon.

Leslie said...

So sorry. As a fellow military spouse, I hope you and your lawyer will know your entitlements to his salary and benefits since you've been married long enough to receive them. YOu're also eligible to his retirement pay. So big hugs to you! You have a good soul.

Peggy said...

Oh Bethany...I'm terribly sorry to hear this news, not that you're retiring, because I know when you're ready you'll be back with your creativity. But all the stress you and the kids must be going through. Please know that I'm praying for you and the kids. Hope to see you around digiland stronger than you even are now and happier. God bless!

mac said...

Prayers to you all. Thinking of you.

Shannon Johnson said...

Ohh Bethany! I am so sad to hear about your struggles. You have inspired me and I love your designs. More than that I love the inspiration you have been to us all. You are a strong woman. I have thought of you all weekend. My heart breaks for you! Please remember you are loved. Your Heavenly Father loves you and many of us who have never met you face to face love you as a sister! You were given this life because you are strong enough to handle it's challenges. Stay close to the spirit. Don't lose faith. *HUGS*!!
Shannon

Monkey Toes Too said...

Best of luck to your future. Marriages are not easy.

Dawn said...

Sorry to see you have so many troubles right now. I've been popping in here for years and love your blogging and your word art. I hope things improve for you and that you get clear guidance from God on the paths he wants you to take. All good wishes.

aquascrap said...

I was so sorry to read that you will no longer be designing :(

Please do not desert us all. Pop on hear at least once a month and let us know how you and your gorgeous children are coping. I have cried tears with you and for you, like when your husband was deployed, when he came back home safe, the trials you have had with Jake and now with the sadness on hearing about your marriage breakup.

I really admire your strength and your honesty.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers will be for you and the kids. I wish you all the very best for the future!

Hugs
(((((Judy)))))
xxx

Susie Gould said...

What can I say, nothing is going to portray how I feel for you and you kids Bethany. I really, really hope you find the life that brings you happiness and the love you all need. I loved your work, still love your work. It was always the 'Go To', place when I needed that extra special text. I have so many of your beautiful pieces of wordart masterpieces. Good luck & gentle hugs x

Sarah said...

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry that you're going through all this. I've been through a divorce, but had no children to worry about, so can't begin to imagine what that's like. I hope it all works out for you and makes you so much stronger xxx