OK, so I was feeling all proud of myself yesterday, for having a lower dose of my Prozac, and for feeling like I was able to handle it all, and like I was able to cope, and do it all. Yeah, today? Not so much...
We slept in WAY late. Almost 11, I think. The kids were playing laptops when we woke up, and all seemed happy.
We had some breakfast, and watched some Star Trek the Next Generation. Jake is really into that right now. And it was lunch time before we knew it.
Captain America and the boys put away the race track, and we cleaned up a minimal amount. Around 2, we decided to get ready and go to the zoo. I showered, and got fixed up, and settled on this outfit.
Not taking my correct dose of my anti-depressant for a few days, I was really noticing just how much weight I'd picked up. And how bad I really did look. :(
We were out the door and to the zoo by 3:15pm. I think that was everyone else's plan in El Paso too! It was super crowded.
Joe found a Million Dollar bill, and was SO excited. I felt bad telling him it was fake...
About 1/2 way through the zoo trip, I started feeling depressed. Super depressed. Like I couldn't control it depressed. Luckily I had on sun glasses, or I would have been teary-eyed all around the zoo. I managed to hold it off, though.
We left around 5pm, and headed home. I got there, and instantly went to the bathroom and started sobbing. I felt anxious, and upset, and out of control. I was afraid for when Captain America left, and didn't know how I was gonna do it. I felt hopeless and lonely. It wasn't a feeling that I wanna have again...
Captain America came in, and found me, and tried to help me feel better. But realized that it was the drugs (or lack thereof). He had me take the normal dose that the new doctor prescribed, and had me lay down for a while. He said he'd cook dinner for the kids.
He came back in after a little while, and gave me a blessing. It helped a little bit. And after a rest, I headed out to help with dinner. We had taco's for dinner, and watched some more Star Trek.
Captain America headed to go and lift at 6:30pm, and I watched some 24. At 7:30pm, I had the kids come inside (they were playing with the neighborhood kids outside) and take baths and get on jammies. Joe and Jim went to bed, and Jake and Tom and Eme read until around 8:30pm. Then I put them to bed too.
Captain America came home a little before 9pm, and I'd just started on my blog. It's now 9:04pm. And I'm wiped. I think it's from the emotional outburst. That really drains a person. I'm not liking it. I don't wanna be afraid of that the rest of this deployment. I think I'm gonna just get back on my anti-depressants. I know that my therapist and Captain America want to see me off of the drugs. I know that they do. But it scares me. I don't know if I can handle things here all on my own without it. Especially if today is any indication.
And I don't wanna feel sad. I really don't. This reminds me of the month before I went into the hospital. Feeling sad and anxious and withdrawn. I just wanna hide in my room, and not leave. And I know that's not good. Not good at all. I liked the outgoing and fun and active me. Hmpf! Hopefully I'll feel a lot better when I wake up in the morning :(
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Great layout, Sharon! Lovin' the pinks and the blacks!