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Monday, May 14, 2012

Quick Update

So yeah, I fallen off the edge of the earth. OK, not really. But it seems that way, huh? Things got REALLY crazy and serious around here. Seriously.

We got a tip from Kari's son, Justin, on Wednesday night, that we should buy a home drug test and use it on Jake. And that's all the intel that we got. Hmmm, strange. Really? But I took the advice, and bought it late Wednesday night, and woke him up early on Thursday morning, and directed him to pee in a cup. If it's good when you are doing a pregnancy test, it should be good for a drug test, right? Made sense to me.

Anyway, he claimed that he didn't have to pee. So I made him drink water. Still didn't have to pee. Hmmm. Strange. Doesn't eVERYONE have to pee first thing in the morning. Time went on, and still no pee. I got the other kids ready for school and off to the bus, and he was still being adamant that he didn't have to pee. Aspergers kids can be like that, though. And he swore up and down that he wasn't doing drugs, so that he shouldn't have to take that kind of a test. He's a great liar, reguardless of whether or not he was using. I told him just pee in a cup, and we could clear up the whole thing.

Still, no pee. He told me he was just going to go to school. Go ahead, I told him. And I'll just come on down to the school, tell the administration that I wanted to get you out of class for a drug test, and haul your butt back home. Sigh. Kari and the girls texted, and soon I had 4 other moms in my living room for backup. Kari and Kim and Julia and Erin and Me. Oh yeah. Power in numbers, right? CPT was at the range, so he didn't get to experience the fun day.

Well, he eventually did pee in the cup. No one can resist that much mom power. I took the pee cup into the bathroom to test it, and changed into workout clothes. We were gonna go hiking after getting the results back and dropping him off at school. Finally, I looked at the results.

Positive for marijuana. NOT what I wanted to see :( He had done that, and a lot of Spice.

I came out, set the pee cup on the coffee table, and asked the group of moms what we were gonna do now. It got super quiet. Group decision time. I was glad to have all those wonderful ladies there for me. I've never gone though a teen drug user experience before. I was at a loss. None of them had either, but we were all in this together! We also decided that all of our kids 13 and up were gonna be taking drug tests today. The group voted :)

We talked with Jake, and he gave us some answers. He had been using for about 2 months at the most. He was using during PE. At school???? Sigh. Alex was his dealer. No last name. He liked the way it made him feel. He didn't want to stop. Yes, these boys were his friends, because when he'd tried to buy the harder stuff (which he really wanted to try), they wouldn't sell it to him. Sigh. It's not fun listening to your son talk about drugs in such a frank manner.

Anyway, I went in the bathroom and called his therapist to find out what my next move should be. She said to take him back to school, and inform the school. So we did. And like dummies, we didn't search his person. Apparently he had a Spice (synthetic pot) pipe on him! Which he later passed off to a chick in English.

So off we went. We got him signed back in, the asked to speak to an administrator about a serious offense committed on campus. And with 5 of us, we got attention super fast. 3 administrators in the conference room within 5 minutes. Oh yeah. We're gonna pull the mom power card all the time!

They took us very seriously. We told them the situation, and they wanted to know more about the Alex character. I told them to WATCH Jake closer, and to make sure that it didn't happen again. They were gonna switch him out of PE also. And that was all for then. Off we went.

We went and got some lunch, then after lunch, we drove around post looking for things to help with teen drug use on post. And mostly got the run-around. Not so good.

CPT and Joe had hockey practice at 6pm, and Tom had a teacher appreciation evening at church. Tom was SO excited about it. I took Tom, and CPT took all the other kids. Well, while I was at the evening with Tom, I got some calls from CPT saying that he was talking to Jake, and Jake was saying how he would rather die than continue to talk to his dad. And CPT had been talking to Jake's Psychiatrist about PEAKS, and that was what we needed to get him admitted to the hospital. Suicidal thoughts. Technically that counts :)

So during the teacher meeting (which was SUPER nice, BTW, CPT dropped off the little kids with me, and he and Jake headed off to the hospital in NM). We finished off the eveving, visited with Tom's humanities teacher, then headed back home.

Tom babysat, and I headed out for a girl night. Veronica and Kari and Kim and Terra are all moving at the end of the month. So it was our last Girs Night Out before the move. And I didn't wanna miss it. Even though I was upset about the days events! I'd asked CPT several times if he wanted me to go and meet him at the hospital, but he said he was fine each time. OK :)

So yeah. That's where we are. The next day after, I was pretty upset. I didn't feel like doing much of anything. My friends all went to the beauty school for Mothers Day make overs, and I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was bummed out.

But by the day after that, I was good. And CPT and I had come up with a plan. We decided to donate/throw away EVERYTHING that he owned. It was pot stained anyway. He and his friends sprayed body spray/cologne on themselves to mask the smell. So everything stank of nasty cologne.

I threw away all of this clothes. And his stuffed animals. And gave away his hot wheels. And thew away his nerf guns. And light sabers. And everything. If you are going to do the crime, you are going to do the time. We threw away his bed. And he lost his bedroom.

It's back to the closet for that child. And I threw away his backpacks too. I went to savers today, Monday, and bought him khaki slack shorts. And I will cut out the pockets, and sew them shut. And I bought him polo shirts. And some slacks. Oh yeah. Don't mess with me, kid. I'm not playin'.

And, when he goes back to school, I'm going with him. To each and every class. To lunch. To before and after school. No more bus. I will make his life hell. Just like he as made mine. I got you, Jake. I got you :) Be this a lesson to all you Harty kids. DON'T DO DRUGS. It DOES not pay. I will find out. And you will lose. Jake, you picked the wrong parents to mess with. I will not turn a blind eye on your drug use or bad behavior. I know that Aspies turn to "self medicating" as a coping behavior. Not acceptable in this house. Find a better way.

I just found out that you can buy Marijuana drug test at the Dollar Tree.... Interesting :) I think I may need to make a stock up trip before my child comes home :) Random drug tests WILL become a way of life for a while in my household.


stitchhappy said...

Good for you Beth.. if more parents took this route, kids who try drugs would only get by once. I'm rooting for you and your family. My niece is an aspie and I understand the challenges you are working under... We will pray for you that this is the first and last time you will have this experience... God Bless you.

Tamara said...

Oh my yu are one hell of a gret mum. I have a disabled son who is younger but I fear that we have all this to look forward to. My hugs and support are being sent to you from lil ol New Zealand

deb said...

I'm so sorry for all the stuff you are going through. But wow! Good for you and CPT for standing up to Jake and doing something about it. I'm always amazed when I find out a student has done drugs (no matter what kind). Keeping ya'll in prayer.

WandaH said...

Wow, prayers are going out to you and your family. I pray that this will get through to him. You two are great parents, hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Omgosh Bethany... Reading this update had me in tears! I feel so sorry for you and your family that you have to go through all this. Glad you got such good friends around to help you/support you and that CPT is home too! Thinking of you and sending lots of positive energy your way.

xoxox Suzan

marsie55 said...

OMG .. just what you needed .. NOT!! Very scary that he is already wanting to try harder stuff .. good on you & Capt for taking such swift and positive action. My thoughts are with you all!

Becca said...

Wow.... I really wish my mom would have done that with my sister. Instead, she turned a blind eye to her, which led to years of heartache for our family (now my sister is fine, but she is also 34).

We are praying for you! Don't lose faith!

Sandy_in_MD said...

I am sorry that you are going through this with Jake. But you are doing the right thing and handling it beautifully. PEAKS should be able to figure out the correct mix of medication that will work for Jake, but the docs will need to monitor it while he continues to go through puberty. Their bodies and minds change so fast that they can outpace the meds. I hope you have a more peaceful week, and that Jake can see the error he made before he's back home. Take care, Bethany.

Stephanie said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this with Jake. Please don't forget though, that you need to take care of you too. Your family needs you strong and healthy to help them through this. God bless you Bethany, and I pray for God to give you all the strength in the world to deal with this. You and CPT. are awesome parents!!!

Sarah Burkett said...

Like you said, you do the crime, you do the time. You're doing what you have to do.

My only issue is how is the school going to react?

Tina said...

YIKES! He WILL learn his lesson, I'm sure. Most kids who are good at heart only need to get busted once to never do it again. I know this firsthand, sadly. Good he got busted NOW while you can discipline him and nip it in the bud (no pun intended). Good luck, super momma!

Tink said...

You can't do all that to a autistic kid, You have to find out what his Triggers are, what made him try pot.. What makes him upset?
Taking everything away from him can cause Great trama..
I agree that you need support but having 5 moms there at him was not a good idea..
you need support and advise from someone who has already raised or is raising an autistic child.
Your friends meen well and want whats best but they have no idea what you are dealing with, you yourself dont know what is really going on in Jakes head..
Some of these kids compleatly shut down when someone yells or seems to have an attitude when talking..
some go into a rage... the solution to that is to talk calmlyand in a normal voice no matter haw upset you may be, otherwise their brains cant handle it and they Short circut..
sometimes even moving something of their's can be a trigger to set them off..
I am sooo sorry you are going through all this and it seems like no one there really can help you with how to cope with him..

Anonymous said...

Beth, Thank you for sharing such intimate details of this episode which you must ave thought of long "to write or not to write."
It is helpful for all of us moms who may be experiencing similar situations in their homes. Very brave of you. I feel, you have dealt with the situation so well taking all the right steps. However, Not just your son, but anychild, carries some very sentimental values with some items they grow up with, like the stuffed toys or their trophies or such things. I wished you would not have thrown those out. Strangely enough, these things bring a sense of belonging in children and he probably might feel that emptiness with all these things gone forever. I can understand dumping their clothes but not such dear things that they grow up with.
May God give you strength and patience to deal with him. My hugs to him and you.

Kim Miller said...

Oh wow Beth. I have a son who is *almost* 13 (and going on 30 he thinks) who has become extremely defiant and was diagnosed with ODD in addition to the ADHD. It's been a rough year with him beginning 6th grade and I just *know* that this is going to be in our future as well. Call it that mom instinct, but I know that day is coming in our household all too soon. I am dreading it and watching him like a hawk. So so very thankful that you had a group of moms to pull rank at the school with and to help you deal!

You and CPT did a great job, and cannot believe that they actually got away with doing it in school!