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Friday, August 10, 2012

Summer Vacation Freebie

Hey you guys :) I've been getting a lot of "Are you ok?" messages lately, so I thought I'd pop on here and let you guys know that yes, I'm ok. I'm just taking a break, I guess. I guess that's what I'm doing. Really I'm stunned with all that's happening. I'm not really sure how to process it all.

My child has Conduct Disorder. And he isn't doing well in Residential Treatment. He's been there since July 2nd. And he's been in so many fights and arguments. They've had to move him to a different unit. To one with kids more his size. The more aggressive kids. He can hold his own over there.

Family therapy is going horribly. The first session, he yelled at us all, and hung up his therapists speaker phone. The second one, he spewed profanities at his brother, Tom, and then wished his dad death wishes. We were asked to NOT bring back the younger kids after that. I've now got them all in individual therapy. It's amazing how he can terrorize us all, EVEN through a phone...

Mrs. Nance, our therapist here in El Paso, has been SUCH a great help. She is a wealth of information about Conduct Disorders. One of the therapists that has actually worked with them. She was in charge of a Psych Ward at a hospital for a few years, and has a very down to earth approach with them. She had us read the Samenow book, "Before It's Too Late" book, and it was very enlightening. She said his work and approach is really the only way to deal with Conduct Disorders. The only approach that is shown to work.

Anyway, family therapy at RTC (residential treatment center) isn't working. Jake is getting into trouble. He was caught torturing a frog (putting it on an ant hill) and also torturing lizards. And yeah, animal cruelty is NOT good....

He therapist has told us that he should NOT come back home. Because being at the RTC has only empowered him. He is not going to get better. He is a Conduct Disorder, unsocialized. That means that he doesn't need people. He has no need, no craving for contact like you or me. He has no conscious. And he is totally self center. She said if he comes back home, he will most likely kill one of us. And yeah, that is NOT good. So now I'm left with trying to find an alternative placement for him.

I went to the Social Security office and put in an application to get him deemed Disabled. Once that happens, he can qualify for Medicaid, because he is in an RTC. Then we can get him transferred to a different RTC that takes both Conduct Disorders and Medicaid. Because the one he is at now doesn't take Medicaid, and the army insurance only pays for 5 months....

So, all of that is going on. Needless to say, I'm about up to my eyeballs in stress. The stress of having a child with no hope for rehabilitation. The stress of trying to find a permanent placement. The stress of fighting with an RTC to help me. The stress of trying to pick up the pieces at home. And then trying to process all of it. I know that nothing I did made Jake this way. He is just "wired" this way. But it's still hard. I believe in hope. But it is such a hopeless diagnosis. He needs to be in an RTC until he is 18. To prevent him from harming himself or others. And then it's just a matter of time before he ends up in prison. It's hard to wrap your head around....

When I'm not spending my time thinking about all of this, the rest of the summer has been great. The kids are doing really well. I love them so much, and enjoy having them around. We have been going to the pool, hanging at home, going to the $2 movies, playing with friends, and thoroughly enjoying the summer.

Aunt Sue is coming next week for a visit, and Eme and Aunt Sue and I get to go to Albuquerque for a Miche weekend! We are SO excited. The boys are going on a Civil War weekend. School starts on the 27th of August, and I really will be sad to see the kids go back. I've enjoyed spending time with them this summer. They are a joy to have around :)

CPT made the Captains list last week, so he's really going to be a Captain!!! hehe! I'm so excited for him :)

So I know that there are a lot of good things going on in my life. And I can choose to focus on them. But even when focusing on the positive, I feel bad for doing so. Because I have a Conduct Disorder child sitting in an RTC in East Texas, not needing anyone, not changing, not ever changing, being that way for the rest of his life, because that if just how he is, and I need to figure out how to fix the unfixable problem. Because I am his mother. And that's what mothers do....

Click on the link below to go to my account to download the PNG file, and leave some love if you like my work :) Thanks!



31 comments:

ApriltheScrapaholic said...

Thank you Bethany. So glad to hear from or about you. Was getting worried. I even told my brother and his girlfriend about you and all the troubles. They're having a baby in Feb. I'm glad you are still enjoying your summer and being with your other kids despite what is happening. It's got to be really hard and I can't even imagine. Just hang in there. You are a good mom. Take care. You are so strong. Wishing you all the hope and strength you need and praying for you and your family. God Bless:) April

ApriltheScrapaholic said...

PS. Congrats to your husband for getting to be a Captain!

Stephanie said...

So glad to hear from you, but feeling so sad for your situation.... I wish there I was something I could do to help... :( You are a good mom, and you are strong, and I will pray for you and your family. Glad the rest of your family is having a good summer... cause summer rocks!! :)

another day-another memory said...

11I am just stunned with all you have had happen. YOur heart must be so broken with Jake. All this time and all the things you tried to do to help him and then this.I have been so worried and I knew if you werent posting it was not good. My heart is with you, my prayers are with you and your family. Hang on to all the happy in your life, keep up the good thoughts and love those kids like never before. I wish I knew something better to say to you..Love you Bethany....

Kathy Simkins said...

Regardless of what this life throws at you know that you are not alone! Heavenly Father has always been there and he has even set things up so that Jake will prevail on the good side of the ledger when he graduates from mortality. He will not be judged unfairly by a loving Father who knows his trials. And although you will never feel whole or competent in your skills as a mother while he is away know that you are a SUPER mother! The reason you care so much and cry so much is because you are the best mother! YOU CARE! Hold on to that and know also that you are surrounded by friends and family that love you and worry about you! Congrats to Captain America on his promotion! Enjoy the rest of the summer! Our school starts next Wednesday! Bear Hugs!

HighDesertGal said...

I'm glad you get to come up here (ABQ) to have some fun. You need to take some "take care of me time".
Remember there is One who know all your trials. There is so much we will never know until we're on the other side.
You are doing great helping your other children and hubby not to mention YOU and that is what is important to focus on right now. And you've been doing that very well even when it is hard - as I've read from your posts over the last couple of years. Be happy because you are loved by so many. You are not a failure because your son is ill. Would you feel it was your fault if he had an incurable brain tumor. NO. (By the way this is also a pep talk to myself about my son with a different illness, and yes at times I feel it is my fault). You have been blessed so many times and believe me when I say that you are a strength to those of us who love you from a far.
I'm so happy for you and your family that CPT will be a Captain! I remember my hubby's promotion to Lt. Cmdr and it is a great time to celebrate all that he does for home and country. Enjoy it.
Sending love.....

Berniek said...

I find it very difficult to read about your situation. There really isn't a 'right' thing to say or do right now.
It's great that you can still enjoy time with the rest of your family, because that is very inportant. I hope you keep seeing the positive things going on in your life, instead of only the mess. Things will get better.
I believe that this situation, although I know it's hard, is the best situation right now. Jake is getting help, isn't hurting you or your kids now. They say he doesn't care, but I'm sure he doesn't want to do any of these bad things himself.
I hope life will brighten up. And although I never pray, I will give it a try tonight. Xx

Shane & Irma said...

I am glad to know you are ok. The place that he is in will make a change in him, my daughter was there for a while. She has change and is now a great awesome 18 yr old girl. We do allot for our kids as a parent.. And all will come out great you will see. Hugs and prayers for you and your family. Take care and hope to hear from you again.

sdwrdt said...

My prayers are with you and your family! So sorry to hear about Jake. Glad that things are going well with the rest of you.

I've been thinking about you a lot. Wish there were more I could do.

lebjs said...

You've been in my thoughts and prayers Bethany. Just know there are a lot of us out there who read your blog and feel your pain and wish you well so much.

Suzan a.k.a. Smurfie said...

This just breaks my heart. I can't even imagine how you must feel about the diagnosis or what the therapist said.
I'm glad you are able to see the positive/fun things in life even though you're worrying about Jake.
Also, congrats on the promotion of your amazing hubby :) You guys must be so proud of him.
As other said before, please know that there are people who think of you on a daily basis, who love you and care for you.

Lots of hugs and love from Holland

CBH said...

Thank you so much for this post. I want to let you know that I posted a link to your blog in CBH Digital Scrapbooking Freebies (please, notice the new url for my blog), under the Page 4 post on Aug. 11, 2012. Thanks again.

WandaH said...

It was great to hear from you Bethany, thanks for popping in. I was happy to hear that you are enjoying your summer. Congratulations to CPT on the promotion. Stay strong, God Bless.

marsie55 said...

So great to hear from you Bethany! I have popped in at least once a day to check up on you; I was getting worried that maybe you had relapsed into depression with all that has been happening. So glad to hear that you are managing to get some enjoyment amongs all the heartbreak! Congrats to Cpt .. what great news! I continue to pray for you and your family; I hope that things will get better for all of you! :)

macfandee said...

Im gonna post some love here.. not only for your word art but because I think you're an amazing person and awesome mom. I've been following you for years and seriously don't know how you do it. It seems sooo unfair for you to be going thru this and honestly I wish I knew what God's plan was with it all. I can only tell you that there are loads of prayers be said from all over for you and the family. I know that God listens and I am hopeful that he will continue to give you the strength to get thru. Stay strong Bethany.. sending love and hugs your way <3 <3

Laura W said...

What? Captain America wasn't a real captain? I'm so glad he is now, otherwise I'd be devastated ;)

Glad that you checked in and let us know you're getting by. I can't add anymore to the comments already here. Although many of us only know you virtually, we are holding you (and the family) up in prayer.

Sending you big hugs :)
ps I totally miss your crazy pics of you shopping. They make me giggle :)

MiniCooper452 said...

Wow! Thanks for the post and the wa. I hope not to sound trivial, but we've got some "stuff" going on in our world right now, but nothing like what you've been dealing with. I thank God that you chose to post today and to share your family's trials. It makes ours look like a picnic. I thank God that He put you in my path today. He has a way of reminding us that He is truly in control and we should let HIM! God Bless you and your family, Bethany. I pray for you only the best. Things will work out. Thank you again for sharing.
Much Love and Blessings.
Carla

Tammy Dunlap said...

So sorry to hear what you are dealing with, I cant imagine being in that position. Prayers and best of luck to you all.

Hifam said...

Conduct disorder sounds a lot like RAD. My friend's daughter has that. It also has the characteristics of no need for people, no conscious, and kids threatening to kill their parents. They've been working with a program and their daughter is doing a ton better. I'm not sure she'll ever be "cured", but they are hoping to have her to the point that she can be part of society at 18. Best Wishes.

StarSraps said...

Truly feel for you so much! i'm so glad you posted. I will be praying for you and yours! I can't imagine how this must feel for you. Hope to hear more from you soon!

Penny Duncan said...

My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.........There are obviously no words to make it better....but I certainly do admire you and the woman you are for knowing you had to make this choice for your son and your other children!!! Bless you Bethany!!

Ian & Ruby said...

Praying for continuing guidance for you and your family. Hope the vacation was relaxing for you all, and that you're all well. God bless.

teacakemake said...

I wondered if all of you are ok. This must be heart breaking and I am thinking of you lots. Don't give up, we are all here for you and your family.

Tamie Wilson said...

I made a page and used some of your product and posted it on my blog, feel free to stop on by :) TYFL Tamie

http://tamieispreservingmemories.blogspot.com/

deb said...

Congrats to CPT! Keeping you and your family in prayer.

Maria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenn Nielsen said...

Oh wow. I don't know what to say, but I'm sending prayers and hugs your way!

P.S. On a random side note, I miss seeing you post pictures of yourself accessorizing and having fun with fashion. Sometimes, we moms get so caught up in everyone else we forget to have fun ourselves! Anyway, you inspired me to "live a little", and I honestly feel like it makes me a better mom when I treat myself to a funky pair of sunglasses or colorful manicure. So thank you for your example! See! Even "the little things" you do affect people. :)

Hope today is a good one for you.

Holly said...

Hoping things are at least "ok" in your world....

CanadaDiAnna said...

Bethany.. this girl in Canada misses you, your family journal entries.. and your wonderful art!! Hope things are okay.. and getting better each day! Just wanted you to know that you are missed! ;)

Celeste said...

Still check your blog everyday hoping to hear from you! Praying for you and your family!

Gayle said...

Hang in there! I will keep you and family close in my prayers. Congrats to the Captain! I Love your beautiful word art!