Welcome to my Site

You can reach me at: bnbharty@gmail.com and I'll try my best to answer. I get a crazy amount of email, so PLEASE don't hate me if you don't hear back from me. Love ya!

Click here for my Terms of Use

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Scoring Brownie Points

Um, yeah, totally not scoring brownie points in anyone's book today :( Sigh. Oh well. I woke up at 6:45am and got the kids ready for the bus. And then woke Jake up for school. Tenatively. I hate that I felt this way, but I still felt a bit distant from him. I know that as his parent I shouldn't have, but I did. I just wanted to go away from him. To leave him alone. Its been so frustrating lately...

I pushed passed it, though. We had family prayer, and I took the little kids to the bus stop. Maggie and Kari were there, and I visited with them for a bit. And Kari gave me a ride back to the house. We chatted a bit, then I hurried and got ready for my dentist appointment.

Because, to add to my super fun time, I needed to finish off my root canal from earlier in the month. Nice, huh. 8am, and I was at the dentist office, sitting in the chair, getting my root canal finished. Oh yeah, I'm living the dream. hehe. And the whole time he was shooting the needle filled with Novocaine inside of my jaw I was thinking, "OUCH", but then, "Hey, if I can take a punch to the face, I can totally take a root canal, right?". Sigh.

It took about an hour, and my root canal was all complete and ready to go. At the end of the month, I'll come back for the first part of the crown fitting. And off I went. As I was driving away, I noticed that Captain America was on Skype, and I pulled over into a church's parking lot, and chatted with him for about an hour. We talked about the Jacob situation, and how best to handle it. Poor Captain America is so far away, and there's not really much he can do about it. He'd informed his commander and 1SG about the situation, and they were letting Rear D know. And hopefully getting us some information about help.

Captain America had facebooked me some info on a Psych place over in NM where a buddy of his in the Battalion had sent his kid a while back. And it had worked out really well for them. It was a 7-10 day inpatient facility. Kinda like the place that I had gone for depression last year. This place was for kids, teens, and adults. For all sorts of reasons. Anger issues being one of them. Sounded good to me.

After I got off the phone with Captain America, I looked at the Facebook, and called the place, and set up a meeting with them for 1pm. I'd go and get Jake out of school, and take him on over to interview and see if he was a fit for their program. They said bring 5 days of clothes JUST in case he was a fit.

I headed back home, and grabbed the 5 days worth of clothes, then called Amanda to see where the girls were. They were just paying at Savers over on the West side and heading to Walmart. I decided to meet them there.

So I drove to Walmart and chatted with Captain America's dad the whole way there. It was nice to chat with him. He's such a great guy :) I got there, and met the girls in the Walmart McDonalds. We were supposed to eat lunch at Olive Garden, but Amanda was gonna go with me to get Jake seen, so the girls postponed the OG trip till Wednesday. That's true friendship right there - hehe.

We all sat around and ate nasty burgers at McDonalds and talked about our special needs kids, and supported one another. It's sure great having a group of friends who totally understand where I'm coming from. They are sure awesome!

Kari and Julia
Me and Amanda

Julia and Kim
So after we ate, I paid for the few items that magically made their way into my cart in the few minutes I'd wandered around Walmart, and Amanda and I headed out to pick up Jake from Austin. And we headed back to the West Side. And between the directions that I'd written down from the woman on the phone, and the phone giving us directions, we were so lost it wasn't even funny. The phone was taking us one way, and the paper was taking us a completely different way. Well, come to find out late, the paper was SO much shorter. The phone directions sucked. It added an extra 25 minutes to the trip. Yeah, we were SO late to the intake appointment.

By the time we got to the 1:00 appointment, it was 1:30. Oh well. They were super nice about it. Everyone there seemed nice and friendly. The facility was clean and professional looking. It reminded me of UBH, but nice. Upscale even... I wish they'd admitted me here. hehe.

I'd decided NOT to tell Jake that it was an inpatient care facility yet. He thought it was just a doctors office. I didn't wanna panic the child until I had to. It might have been too much for him to handle.

So he was having fun being goofy and screwing around in the waiting room. Maybe this would help us get seen sooner, too? He was having fun playing with my scarf...

After about an hour and a half, it was our turn to go to the admittance office. And we sat there for about another hour. Finally, when the lady came in and had us sign a buttload of papers, I told Jake that it was an overnight program. And he got really upset. Mostly you could just tell in his face. He started to tear up. And got real still.

I tried to diffuse the situation with humor, and it worked pretty good. We joked about "code yellow" (they kept saying it over the intercom), and I said it was cleaning up pee. And I did have to pee. And then we joked about code brown. LOL. And we joked about all sorts of stuff. We had Jake laughing pretty good a few times. It went back and forth between awkward uncomfortable silence and laughter. We were doing our best.

And then it was time to go and get his stuff. We got it from the trunk (I'd gotten him new slip on shoes from Walmart), and we went into the main part of the facility. We waited for about 20 more mintues, signed a few more forms, and they came to take Jake. He got another hug, and a bit more teary eyed, and that was it. We were given a visitation schedule, and I told him that I'd be there on Thursday to see him. And it showed that he could call me every night. He said that he didn't wanna talk on the phone, but I said that I'd be willing to talk to him on the phone EVERY night if he wanted, to just keep that in mind :) Even if it were only for 3 minutes... He seemed happy about that.

I told him to think of it as Anger Management camp. And to keep in mind, that if you beat up mom, this is where you go. I wanted to drive that point home. You can't get away with beating up mom. There are serious consequences to your actions. You can't just say "I love you, sorry Mom", and things go back to the way they were. There are SERIOUS consequences to your actions when you cross certain lines. And beating up your mom is a SERIOUS line to cross...

Amanda and I loaded up in the car, and headed home. And I felt.... I'm not sure what I felt. A lot of things. Relieved. And bad. And good. And tired. And stressed. And sad. And happy. A lot of different things.

We headed back to El Paso right at rush hour 5:30 traffic. Oh yeah, it was bumper to bumper the whole way. We swung by Taco Bell to get some Beefy Cheesy nasties for the kids, and then went to pick up Jim and Austin from Maggie's house. She'd gotten them from the bus. They were playing and having a grand old time over at little Jacob's house. Maggie is SO good for doing it for us :)

We stayed and visited for a tad bit, then I dropped Amanda and Austin off at their house and headed home. Joe and Eme and Tom were home from Kari's house. They'd gone over there afer school. But had recently gone home. Since Tom IS old enough to babysit, you know :)

They were watching some TV and playing with the dog. And the dog had made a big mess with the trash, of course. My velcro didn't work... I think it would have, had the trash been emptied. It doesn't work with an overly full trash can, apparently. Drat!

I paid Tom and Eme with raisinettes to clean up the trash mess. Which they did. And I had Jim and Joe do their homework. We ate Beefie Cheesie Nasties, and I went to soak in a hot bath. I told the kids that IF they could have all of their chores done before I was done with my bath, that they'd earn a scoop of ice cream. When I was done, they were mostly done too. With a little bit of prodding, they all earned their ice cream! Oh yeah :)

After they ate their ice cream, I put eveyone to bed. We had family prayer, and I put Joe and Jim to bed. And Tom and Eme went upstairs. And Boxer went in his Kennel.

It's now almost 10pm. I'm super tired. It was a very long day. And I need some sleep. No seminary in the morning, since I have no high schooler this week... I think I'm gonna take an Ambien and get a great nights sleep. See y'all in the morning!!! Pray for us. And pray for Jake. That he takes this opportunity to listen and learn and really absorb the things that they're teaching him there :)

Click on the link below to go to my account to download the PNG file, and leave some love if you like my work. Thanks!

Hey, NEVER imagined it used this way, but GOOD IDEA Sharon! For girl scouts! Very imaginative! Good job!


CBH said...

Thank you so much for this post. I want to let you know that I posted a link to your blog in CBH Digital Scrapbooking Freebies, under the Page 7 post on Nov. 08, 2011. Thanks again.

Janice said...

Bethany, Pray, Pray, Pray and put his name on the Temple Roll. You are doing the right thing. I've been there and I know what you are going through.

Anonymous said...

Just a quick note to let you know that a link to this post will be placed on CraftCrave in the DigiFree category today [09 Nov 02:00am GMT]. Thanks, Maria

Rarole said...

Bethany, one of the hardest things a parent has to do is to show tough love. When kids cross lines they need to learn there are consequences. Too many parents out there today don't care enough. Jake now has time away to not only listen and learn - but to think! You did good!! Hang in there. He knows you love him - that is what counts! HUGS

Christi Williams said...

I just wanted you to know you are not alone. And with Jake becoming violent, you made the right decision. You and your family have been traumatized. I have been there and I want you to know it is not your fault. I know you are doing all you can and with the never ending feeling of failure. I understand how hard it is to be in that spot. My fifth daughter struggled for years, it was never ending, she was verbally abusive to me and would cause such drama in the house everyday with the other children. We had to send her to a behavior residential treatment center but for her it was for 6 months (she was only 12). We were judged by others, it was hard, but she needed more help than we could give her. And for you to do this all alone without your hubby, hang in there, you are in the thoughts and prayers of many. (get a blessing if you haven’t)
Just a few things we found that helped. Sleep, is huge. A regular bedtime, even if they don’t fall asleep. Food is a problem, Foods with artificial colors and flavors, soda with caffeine can make them violent. Sugar is like a drug. It was better when she first got home but it is still hard every day, better but still hard. I hope you can get to someone who cares and will help you and him. (((Hugs)))

Kelley said...

I'm sorry for the hard time you are going through.

Matthew 11:27-28 “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Trust Christ, give Him your burden and then rest in Him. I know it is easy to say give your burden to Christ and very hard to rest, but I have found when I do it, things aren't quite as bad as I thought. He knows what you are dealing with but you still need to share your feelings with him.

Thank you for the word art.

Thank you for the word art.