Morning, girls :) How was your weekend? Mine? Well, Sunday had it's ups and downs.
I woke up for church at 7:20am. Yeah, I wasn't feeling too well from the day before, emotionally, and Captain America was still in the field, and I'd JUST agreed to go and get some help and find someone to talk to, and yeah, I didn't know if I wanted to face people.
But I hoped out of bed, said my prayers, and jumped in the shower. I listened to a Conference talk while getting ready, and fixed my hair and make up, and it actually turned out looking pretty cute. And I thought, well, I CAN'T waste a good hair/make up day at home, so I might as well go to church. Yeah, not the most noble or righteous of intentions, but hey, it was getting me to church, right?
Joe wasn't feeling well, and I was gonna just let him snuggle with me all through church. No primary classes for him. We got to church, found our seats, and yeah, it went downhill from there.
OK, now don't think I'm crazy (ok, maybe I am a bit crazy), but I have to tell you about Phil. I KNOW that many of you have a Phil. That negative voice inside your head. Whaaaat? You didn't know his name was Phil. Hilary has a negative voice inside her head too, and we decided to name him. Our husbands just call him Satan, but yeah, we're going will Phil. hehe.
Anyway, I guess Phil didn't like that I was going to church, and especially didn't like that I was gonna go get some help. He REALLY didn't like that. And did a number on me during Sacrament meeting. Yeah, by the time it was over, I was gonna find rides home for my 4 other kids, and take sick Joe home. Cause I just coudln't be there anymore. I was feeling awful.
BUT, Captain America texted and said that he was gonna be home for an hour and a half, right after Sacrament. That I should get the kids and we should all come home and we could have a Family Home Evening, and we could hang out with him for a while.
So after Sacrament, I gathered up the kids and headed home. And I didn't feel too good. I couldn't even smile. I hate it when I get like that. Stupid Phil!
Captain America went back to work around 2pm, and Hilary texted to see how I was doing. Not great. She came over, and we went for a drive, and talked. It helps talking to her. She has a "Phil" too, and has eating issues as well. So she understands what I'm going through.
Anyway, after our drive and our chat, she dropped me back off at home, and I got the house straightened back up again, and the kids and I got ready to go to the Nouhans for dinner. Hilarys husband is in the field too, so we decided to do Sunday dinner together with all million of our kids. OK, so only my 5, her 3, and a neighbor kid. What's that, 9? We made pancakes and eggs and fruit salad. I think everyone liked it.
We hung on the back porch for a while, and watched kids playing outside and in and out and all around. Busy children - hehe.
We headed home, and I put kids to bed, and stayed up WAY too late. Yeah, I'm gonna be tired in the morning. Maybe Phil will be tired too. I sure hope so. I don't think I can handle another day with him... But Monday is that day that I'm supposed to go seek some help. I'm not sure what that all entails. My friends are gonna help me. Captain America is still in the field, and I need to text him tomorrow and see what he wants me to do too. As long as I don't have to make a phone call, I'm all good.
I hate talking about my problems, you know. I never know what to say. We always wanna downplay our faults. Or gloss over them. Or ignore the bad things. Yeah, if I'm getting help, I don't think that's gonna work. Hmpf!
But I told Captain America and my friends that I'd go, so I'm gonna go. As much as I'd like to run, I'm gonna go. And I told ALL of you that I'm gonna go. So I'm gonna go. See the pep talk. I sure hope it works, and I don't end up running away (hehe). If you don't hear from me tomorrow, you know Phil got the best of me - ha!
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