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You can reach me at: bnbharty@gmail.com and I'll try my best to answer. I get a crazy amount of email, so PLEASE don't hate me if you don't hear back from me. Love ya!

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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I'm Retiring

Yup.  It's that time.  I'm retiring.  I hate to do it.  But it's been a long time coming.  CPT and I have really tried to make it work, but yeah, it's not working.  And I don't have the time or mental energy to devote to Scrapbookgraphics to make it work like the owner needs.  So I'm retiring.  Hopefully in a year or so I will be back to normal and 100% and back into the designing scene!  I hope.  That's my goal.  Who knows where I will be in a year, right?

Anyway, I've always had social anxiety and been a pleaser person.  I've blogged about this before.  Then about 3 years ago, I had the stint in the mental hospital for depression, where they put me on anti-depressants.  Which fixed the social anxiety.  And when CPT deployed, I spent the year in therapy, fixing myself.  I knew I had a lot to work on.  And I felt that I learned and grew SO much. 

So he comes home, and I'm a different person.  A better person.  A stronger person.  One who won't put up with his controlling and critical and mean ways.  And we fought all of 2012.  Horribly.  By Christmas, I knew it couldn't continue.  I told him that we either went to mariage counseling, or it was done.  He agreed.

And after months of counseling and processing a near affair (no sex, but close) on my part back in 2010 (which he never forgave me for and brought up weekly ever since) and working on communication, I put it to him frankly.  Get individual help.  Treat me with kindness.  Stop being critical.  Stop being controlling.  Or I want a divorce.  We had a few more HUGE fights, and he kicked the kids and I out.  I finally got the bishop to convince him to move out instead, but he needed a week to get his things together.  Whatever.....

Luckily, Ms Elaine, my bestie, let us stay with her.  She has 3 kids my kids ages, and her hubby is deployed.  She has her own house in the NE area, and she is SUPER awesome.  Very laid back like me.  Anyway, after being there for a week, she invited us to stay till her hubby came back in November.  Yeah, better than both families being alone.  Plus it would give me time to save money for a rental when the time came.

I know that I wasn't perfect in my marriage.  I know that I had things that I did wrong.  I did try, though.  I gave it my all.  In June, it will be 17 years.  In the end of July, the divorce will most likely be final.  Our therapist says that CPT looks at the kids and I as an extension of himself.  And he can't figure out why he can't perfect us.  He doesn't understand why it doesn't work.  And it frustrates him to no end.  She also said that when I told him I wanted a divorce (if he didn't work on himself), that it opened a narcissistic wound inside of him.

Things are bad between us right now.  He has our savings from the tax return.  He used it for an attorney.  I have what little he decides to give me.  I'm trying to get all of our things moved out of the house on post by myself.  And find a job.  And find an attorney with no money.  And do 500 million other things while raising 5 children, one of whom is mentally ill. 

So yeah.  That's why I don't have the time or the mental energy right now to devote to my store.  As much as I would like to.  BUT, you can go and take a gander at my store!  It's 60% off, and won't be available for a LONG time.  So get it while you can!!!!  Click HERE to go to my store.

I love you guys, and will miss you :)  BIG HUGS!!!!!