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Friday, February 4, 2011

I'm Awake. Let's Party!

Happy Friday! Click HERE to go to my store to check out ALL the new stuff! Enjoy! (All layouts by Sharon)

Ha! Yea, this WordArt SO didn't fit my Thursday. But you know what, maybe I'll make it fit my Friday. There's a good goal for myself :)

Well, the day finally came. The day that I felt like I was gonna fall apart. And the fact that it's been about 26 days isn't too bad, right? I made it quite a while without a break down... As I sit here typing this, tears are brimming in my eyes, and I'm SO trying to hold it all together. I don't know if I'll be able to keep this up....

I woke up this morning, knowing that it was gonna be another snow day for the kids. And don't get me wrong. I adore my kids. I really do. But they're good in small doses (hehe). Cause there's SO many of them. And it's SO stinking cold outside, that they can only be out for limited times. With wind chill, I think it was -12 or something. Crazy, for El Paso.

Anyway, I had told them that they could watch TV or play Just Dance 2 quietly when they woke up. And at 8:00am, I heard the fighting over something or another, so made them turn it off, and ALL go to their rooms. Except Jim, who had JUST woke up. So he came and snuggled with me for about 30 minutes. And then we went out and got breakfast, and I let the kids out of their rooms.

(deep breaths...)

The kids all went outside to play between 9 and 10am, and I started on chores. I cleaned in the kitchen for a little while, and I got some laundry started. And while I was taking a break, I heard a LOUD rushing of water noise. Yeah, not good. I was in the middle of emailing my CT girls, and left it where it was, and RAN for the laundry room. And the drain hose for the washer was backing up, emptying at FULL speed into the laundry room. And spilling out into the hall, and near the stairs, and boxers kennel closet, and the kids clothes closet, and the dining room, and nearing the kitchen. Whaaaat? NOOOOO!

I turned off the water hoses, but it didn't seem to help. A few seconds later, I realized that i needed to turn off the washer (duh), and once it turned off, I realize that I was being shocked (just a tiny jold). I WAS standing in water, touching an running appliance, after all. Sigh.

NOW what was I gonna do? We tried to stop the water from flowing into other room, and laying down towels kinda helped. And I grabbed the mop, and the bucket with the wringer, and started to work. The kids all kept back, and tried to keep Boxer out of the mess. And I spent about 2 hours cleaning up. It SUCKED. But I did it. But this isn't where I fell apart. I was still in, "just get it done" mode. So bucket full after bucket full, I got the water out of the house.

And at 12:30pm, I got the kids a quick lunch, and told them to play electronics, but to NOT make the house any more messy than it already was. And I headed over to Terra's house. She lives just a few block away. And I walked, because I didn't wanna brave the roads. And brought my mini loaf pans and cake pans, because she was baking for a bake sale.

And yeah, the roads weren't bad at all. I totally could have driven :) It was SO nice to just hang at her house for the hour and a half, and have grown up conversation. We cooked a red velvet cake (which didn't turn out - hmpf!), and a peanut butter cake, and some muffins. Mostly I just watched and washed a few dishes - hehe.

And, feeling all good and refreshed, I headed back home around 2 or 2:30 ish. The kids were mostly playing nicely, and I went into the kitchen to bake some. I had another cake mix to replace the red velvet one that didn't work. And I was gonna try and make those cake ball truffle thingys. So I mixed up the red velvet cake with the frosting, and made cake balls, and put them in the freezer.

Then, I made up a carrot cake mix, and filled 2 round cake pans, and popped it in the oven for 25 minutes. And had JUST enough time to run to the commissary and buy some melting chocolates for the truffles. It was gonna work perfectly :)

So I got in Captain America's car (that I haven't driven in a few days because it was low on gas - LOL! I should have just filled it up!) and headed over to the commissary. And I got to the check point in the commissary, and couldn't find my ID. Where could it be? I searched my wallet, and my purse, but no, it wasn't there.

So, I headed back to the car. And THAT is when it hit me. I was alone. No husband. No ID. No melting chocolates. And I could feel the tears coming. I got in the car, and headed home. Feeling SO sad. SO alone. A few tears spilled over, but I didn't lose it. I held it together. And stopped at the gas station on the way home. And filled up the car.

And parked in the garage, and went to the truck, and there was my ID, in the middle console. right where it DIDN'T belong. And I knew that Heavenly Father was watching over me. And was gonna help me. And that I'd be ok.

I came inside the house, JUST as my cake timer was going off. And the carrot cakes looked pretty good. I remembered that I had some bakers chocolate in the cupboard, and melted that in my mini crock pot thing. And I added white sugar to it, but yeah, that didn't really help. Then I added some butter, and some powdered sugar. Yeah, not that either. I really think it was because I didn't have my apron on. I"m telling ya, it's good luck. And I didn't have it.

I eventually settled on drizzling the nasty chocolate stuff over the balls, and calling it good. If Terra doesn't want them, then the kids can eat them. And I frosted the carrot cake with the cream cheese frosting, and put it in the fridge.

And designed a WordArt pack. And then started on dinner. I had left over spaghetti (yeah, NOT on my menu), and the kids had French Toast. And I started folding laundry. All 10 loads of it. I know, I know, it SUCKS when you let it get to that point. But I did.

And I mostly just separated it into kids piles, and gave the 3 older ones their to put away, and folded the 2 little boys laundry, and had them put it away. And the towels and dish towels and dish rags got put away, and the other odds and ends stuff got put away. And then I swept really good in the rooms, and got the kids going on their chores.

And at 7pm, I told them that they had 1 hour to get their chores done and the house cleaned. That Mom needed a break, and was going to her room. And IF the house was clean at 8pm, that I'd watch Chuck with the big boys. Because the little kids were going to bed at 8pm regardless.

And I came into my room, and THAT's when I lost it. I knelt down and said a prayer, and ended up sobbing. And I don't know that I"ve gained much composure since then. Hopefully blogging about this all will help me. I really do know that I can do it. I know that today was just a bad day. That tomorrow will be better. It'd BETTER be better - hehe.

I'm just having "I suck" feelings today. I've gained about 15 lbs in the past couple of months. And yeah, some of that is muscle, but not all of it. And I'm starting to notice the rolls again cause my pants are getting too tight. And that really sucks. And yet, I can't seem to make myself be in control of my eating. Eating a dozen cookies at a setting is NOT good. I keep trying, though. Every morning when I wake up, I tell myself that I'm gonna be good. And I do try, for a while.

I think it was just hard today, where it was the 2nd day in a row that the kids were home from school. And my routine was disrupted. And I didn't have my normal exercising. Or my typical adult interaction. And I didn't shower and get pretty. And was feeling fat. NOT a good combo.

So, tomorrow is yet ANOTHER snow day. See, El Paso is NOT cut out for cold weather. And since EVERYONE is using their heat, there's not enough power/gas to go around. So the city is having rolling blackouts. And, to conserve power, the schools are staying closed. It's supposed to warm up to 40 by Saturday. So, pray for us, that the kids will go back to school on Monday. Because, honestly, I don't think I could handle another unplanned "snow" day....

Click on the link below to go to my account to download the PNG file, and leave some love if you like my work. thanks!


Bit's grandma said...

Praying for you to feel better about things - I know it's rough, but those of us you touch in cyberspace are behind you 100% and you are never alone - the Lord is always there. Hope today goes better.

CBH said...

Thank you so much for this post. I want to let you know that I posted a link to your blog in CBH Digital Scrapbooking Freebies, under the Page 7 post on Feb. 04, 2011. Thanks again.

HighDesertGal said...

You can do it Bethany. When you are under stress brains just prioritize what they want to remember. You weren't thinking ID. Lighten up on yourself and remember that Heavenly Father is in charge and will watch over you and your family while your hubby is gone. Also, btw, stress does bad things to your waist line. I know from experience. So it is not your fault -- trying to silence your stress hormones is almost impossible when someone you love is in harms way.
You have help and you CAN get through this. Holiday are the hardest. But your are loved!

HighDesertGal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HighDesertGal said...

I forgot...I hope your are warm!! Natural gas from Texas is not getting to New Mexico. Every thing is closed due to the state of emergency...10s of 1000s without heat. We are all to lower our thermostats to conserve. We have it but our subdivision is lucky. I haven't heard about the temple yet. They might close early. But all the schools, gov offices, the Labs etc are closed and hospitals have lowered the heat and stocked up on blankets. I hope is is better for you. Some of my daughter's former roomies who live in TX are also without heat as is my sis in Tucson. It is supposed to start warming up. Instead of -7 it is a +13 this morning. SMILE.

Sherry Out Loud said...

Bless your heart, sweet woman. Gee, after 27 days and 18 hours I give you permission to have a medium-sized meltdown...not like I have any authority...LOL! It is so obvious that you are a GREAT mom, but having all the kiddos for that many days in a row is really tough (I guess - I only have 2, and they are 8.5 years apart). You know what you need to do for yourself exercise and food-wise, and you are doing it for the most part - and here's a news flash, NOBODY IS PERFECT...LOL! Like I told you in my email, you are on my list of heroes, and I'm gonna be reading this blog and cheering you on every day, and I'm going to be praying for you and all the rest of your dear family. KEEP THE FAITH - you are an incredibly strong woman!

Oh, and thanks for the WA - if I were going to a Super Bowl party I'd use it for a page for that, but it's pretty much just DH and me staying home watching and being boring - he doesn't like me to talk to him while he watches football...LOL! Can you say scrap time?

Big cyber hugs to you!

Marilou said...

I'm with everyone else here, cut yourself some slack, take a deep breath, and just relax! Remember, God's in control and no matter what, you're gonna get through this!

Big Hugs and lots of thanks for sharing your gifts with us!

Mary said...

I agree with all of the women who have left comments. Don't be so hard on yourself. I read your blog every day and from what I read you are doing a fantastic job taking care of your children and your home and trying to take care of yourself while your husband is away. It does us good to have a good cry once in a while. :)

I hope your Saturday is a much better day for you.


Rachel said...

I would have cried a lot sooner than you did today! Flooding washer water?! That's crazy! Hope everything's better in the morning!

deb said...

I'm sorry you had such a rough day. I hope today was better. Saying a prayer for you!

Sharon Kay said...

Bethany just wondering why you cook so many desserts? When I am trying to control my eating the whole family does without cookies and cakes ... because I can't stop eating them either. ...or I make ones that I don't like during that time. ;-)

From a non-military family I want to thank you for your sacrifices ... we wouldn't have this free country without people like you and your dh. {{{hugs}}}