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Monday, October 28, 2013

Just Checking In :)

Hey girls!  I thought I would drop by there and say HI to everyone!  It's been a while since I logged on updated everyone, and I was feeling in a blogging mood this evening, so, yeah, here it goes.

Last I updated everyone, I was living at Elaines house.  She was THE BEST FRIEND during my ordeal.  Really.  I don't know what I would have done without her.  She took me and my children in, and treated us like family.

My divorce was final on July 8th, and later in that month, the kids and I moved into a house in Northeast El Paso.  1600 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, double car garage, fenced backyard.  It has a living room and a front room, and a dining room.  We like it.  Mostly.  Eme and I share a room, with is just SO much fun.  hehe.  No really, what grown woman wants to have a 12 year old as a roommate.  ha!

The beginning of August, I decided to try LDSsingles.com.  Worth a shot, right?  It had a personality and interest and spirituality and morality quiz, and then tried to find you compatible matches.  It was really kinda cool.  Not anyone in El Paso, though.  Sigh.  I looked through the guys, wanting someone around 40.  You had to request a personality profile match up from the other person, and I sent a few away to guys that looked interesting.  I didn't really do much with it.

I had a few that I was writing to on the site, and this guy named Bob caught my eye.  He was super funny.  Eventually, we exchanged phone numbers and texted each other.  SUPER funny guy.  Nice, too.  He had been married back in '97 and it only lasted for about a year.  No kids.  Lives in Utah.  Sounded cool.

We texted a lot, and eventually talked to each other on the phone.  We got along SUPER well.  Imagine a boy version of me.  Yeah, that's Bob.

Anyway, I was on the phone with Bob one evening, and the kids were Skyping with their Dad.  He had moved to Alabama for a school at Ft. Rucker.   I'm not in the same room, because that's just awkward.  But I hear him say, "Kids, I want to introduce you to your new Step Mom, Laura.  We got married on July 18th".  Mind you, this was like August 18th or something....  Yeah, I didn't quite know what to think.  I was just glad that I had Bob there for moral support.  That means that he only had 10 days between the finalized divorce and his wedding.....  hmmmm......

That was quite a shock.  Not that I was mad because I wanted Brent anymore.  But we had been married for 17 years.  I didn't know how to process it.  And the fact that he kept it a secret from his children for a month....  yeah, that's just weird.  And bad form.

But enough of that.  Bob and I decided that we liked each other, but needed to meet in person to see if it was worth a go.  So we made plans to meet 1/2 way, which was Farmington NM.  I was going on a trip!!!  I arranged babysitters for all of my kids, and soon the days was there.  We both woke up early and got on the road.  6 1/2 hours for each of us.  Luckily, we were able to talk on the phone (blue tooth) most of the way.  SO much fun!

We met at a Shell gas station, and it was instant chemistry.  I felt like I had known him forever.  We were only awkward for about 5 minutes.  The rest of the 3 day weekend, we just hung out and had fun!  And yes, we stayed in separate rooms.  We kept the weekend PG.  hehe.  But I will say, he is a FABULOUS kisser!

After a very short 3 days, he headed back home, and I headed back home.  We've been on the phone with each other ever since.  hehe.  I sure miss that boy!  Why does Utah have to be so far away?

Jake landed himself back in the hospital in August.  Before school started.  Wouldn't surrender the iPod when he was supposed to.  Decided to fight me for it.  Yeah, I won.  After a police escort to the mental hospital, that is.  Actually, we moved out of Elaine's house and into our new house while he was in the hospital.  So maybe it was July that he went there.

School started in end of August, and I started working.  I decided that with Jake being Jake, there was NO way I could get a full time job.  Or even a part time one.  I needed to be on call for my kid.  So, I decided to start cleaning houses.  $10 an hour.  I got jobs lined up, and make about $500-800 a month.  I'm trying to put it in savings.  We also applied for Food Stamps.  And got $588 a month.  That helps SO much.  I believe in government aid, as a temporary help for people who need it.  And we need it.

And my life changed a lot.  I could no longer be the social butterfly that I enjoyed being.  I didn't have time for hanging out with my friends.  I didn't have time for anything much.  I would come home exhausted from cleaning houses.  And have my house trashed.  And 5 kids wanting me, and dinner.  I would spend whatever time I could find on the phone with Bob.  He really became my best friend.  The first person I wanted to text and tell everything to.  He could always make me laugh.  And smile.  And feel good about myself.

In the end of September, Jake landed himself back in the hospital again, same reason.  When he got out, his therapist, Ms Lois, took away his iPod.  He is in the process of trying to earn it back now.  Some lessons are harder to learn than others.

I remember talking to Bob after the first hospital trip with Jake.  I told him, if you want out, now is the time.  This IS my life.  Jake is Jake, and he isn't changing.  Mental illness sucks.  It's super hard on families.  He was emphatic that he still loved me and wanted to stay with me.  Again, love that boy!  He said he felt bad that there was nothing he could do from Utah, and wished he could  hop in his truck and drive down and be with me.  SO sweet!  As opposed to the kids' dad, who texted and said "Best of luck".  Sigh.

It's the end of October now, and I'm feeling burnt out.  What's the Lord of the Rings quote?  Like butter, spread over too much bread.  Something like that.  Single parenthood sucks.  It sucks a lot.  It's been 6 months since the kids and I were kicked out of our house on post.  In a way, it's like a deployment.  Kind of. Because the kids and I are here alone together.  But it has differences too.  I see my friends with deployed hubbies, and they are a source of strength to each other.  I am glad that I am finding that in Bob.

He actually flies in this Wednesday to meet the kids.  He is such a great guy.  All the qualities that I want in a man.  Kind, loving, funny, hard worker, church goer (Elders Quorum President), great relationship with his family.  And he adores me.  He really does.  I haven't been with someone who utterly adores me.  I think that Brent adored himself.  And thought of me as an extension of himself.  This is so different.  I see a humbleness in Bob that I have never experienced before.  He has such great, raw potential, and just needs someone to believe in him.  I can truly see him as the Lord sees him.

We read scriptures on the phone every night together, and it has been a great blessing and brought us closer together.  We have date night on Fridays, and both watch the same DVD.  And are on the phone the whole time together.  It's SO much fun.  Sure, kissing at the end of the date would be great, but I guess there is time for that in the future, right?

I am super anxious for Bob to come and visit.  I can say that I truly love him.  More than I did Brent, and we were married for 17 years.  I felt loyal to Brent.  But I never craved his company.  He wasn't the first person that I wanted to share everything with.  We couldn't talk for hours and hours and hours on the phone.  I have that with Bob.  I really hope that he likes the kids.  I know that all kids are annoying.  That's just kids.  But mine are good enough.  ROFL!  We shall see....

I was actually pretty upset when I started writing this blog post.  Jake had been a turd, and I had spent about 15 minutes in my closet crying.  Again, sharing a room with a 12 year old sucks.  NO privacy.  I forgot how therapeutic blogging is to me.  I quite enjoy it.  It helps me organize my thoughts, and my feelings, and get them out on "paper".

So, that's what's happening with me.  Check back next week, and I will try and update on how the weekend with Bob went :)


Lindy Lou said...

So great hearing from you again and so glad for you that you have found someone you love. Please continue to keep in touch. I follow you on Facebook but feel you knew me well enough to have me on your special Facebook account. My prayers are with you and your family - always.

Chrissy (thescrapgirl) said...

Keep your head held high girl! As always...prayers for you and the kids. PS...that other shit didn't deserve your loyalty!

Sandy E. said...

OMG - funny thing happened tonight. I'm cleaning out my email account, came across your old "I'm Retiring" email and wondered how you were doing. 30 minutes later, up pops your current email - amazing. Anyway, glad to hear your doing better - but doesn't your husband get the kids for visitation? I guess just for holidays - I'm just thinking how it seems like you need a few more breaks from the kids added to your schedule, don't feel guilty for needing that. I hope we continue to hear from you, I think you could write a book (lol), no, really I mean it. Prayers sent your way.

Tink said...

I am so glad you are ok and finally HAPPY!

Lisa said...

Funny, I thought of you this morning - wondering how you were doing and if you'd ever return to blogging. Glad you're doing better. Have a great weekend and hope to see updates again soon!

Anonymous said...

Yay for this blogpost and even more Yay for your new love! You're so strong and I really admire you. I hope the kids and Bob will like each other :) can't wait to read about that. Thinking of you lady! Xoxo

Amanda Risher said...

Yea!!! I wish I was back in El Paso to stalk you in person, but I guess your blog will have to do. :-) I really miss you and can't wait to hear all about your Halloween!

Sherlylynn said...

It is so wonderful to hear from you again and realize that you are finding happiness. Hang in there you are doing a wonderful job. It is awesome you have found someone to love.

Marilyn said...

Bethany, Life has its ups and downs, doesn't it? So glad you are doing well, keeping my fingers (& toes) crossed for what sounds like an amazing relationship with Bob. You go girl!

Christine said...

Just Great to hear from you, thanks for sharing so much, I will change my prayers to fit the new life (and male!?!?)

God Bless

Cheri said...

I have seriously been out of the loop! Since Rene's diagnosis with leukemia and celebrating his good health in remission, my online time has been much more limited. I only recently started digi-scrapping again and went to your store and couldn't find you. And now, I know why! My goodness girl...what a MOUNTAIN of changes and trials you have endured. But as always, you have mustered thru it with grace, dignity and retained that great sense of humor that I just adore!

You have always been so very generous with us all. Might we give you some help during the upcoming holidays? Would you mind posting (or sending me an email) with the kids' ages and wish list for Christmas. Let's see if we can get some big holiday cheer going on in your new place. And perhaps a ROOM DIVIDER for your shared space???? LOL

Sending you love & good wishes in your new journey

PeeJay said...

I'm so pleased to see this post. I have you on my blog list and have never taken you off hoping you would start blogging again as I so enjoyed reading about your life. I was also a friend on FB but somehow am no longer although I am a 'follower' but, apart from profile pic updates there's not much to follow - lol!

It's great to hear you now have a man that appreciates and loves you for who you are and not for what they think you should be. It's even better to hear that you're happy. I used to get so angry at times, on your behalf, but you're best out of it and should now be able to move with your life.

I hope you start to blog regularly but even once in a while is better than not at all.

MJ said...

So glad to hear from you. I have had you in my prayers. Much happiness will be coming your way.

aquascrap said...

So glad to finally hear from you once again. Wow you have been through a lot but it's really good to hear that you have found something wonderful with Bob.

Can't wait to hear how his visit went with the kids. He sounds like a keeper.

Sending best wishes your way and hope the relationship works out. You deserve some happiness.

Janet said...

I am so happy you have gotten in touch again. You and your children are in my prayers and I wish you nothing but happiness and success in your new life.

Janet xx

Unknown said...

Im so happy for you. Ive missed your blog so much. You inspired me to loose weight and at 39 I finally found something that worked.
I am truly happy that you've found someone who will cherish you the way you deserve.
Looking forward to the next post

Elaine M said...

MAN! I have missed your postings so much -- so thankful to see you back with us. Wonderful news about this new man in your life - will keep you and your kiddos in my prayers. Please don't wait so long to post again....you're family and are missed.
Hugs and blessings!

Unknown said...

I too have you on my blog list just in case and TADA! I am so sorry for your struggles. My husband works with adults with mental health sickness and it is heartbreaking!
I feel for you! I was raised by a single mom with 5 kiddos and we all turned out okay! :)

Blog more! We want to know!
PS Bob sounds like a dreamboat!

Sarah said...

Bethany, you deserve all the happiness that being with Bob can bring you. YOU are an amazing person and a fantastic Mum. YOU are the one who has allowed all the good stuff to happen. YOU and only YOU. Keep smiling, keep looking forward and keep those you love close by you. So pleased to hear the happiness in your voice despite the hard times you've been through xxxxx <3

Sammy said...

How wonderful to see things are improving for you. As a follower of you FB I see the weekend with Bob must have gone swimmingly.
Congrats to you both

sandersclan said...

It is great to hear from you again. I think about your family often. And I live in Farmington! Should have had lunch ;)

Tammy and Shelby said...

I am so glad to see your post...been missing your blog updates. I am happy that you are doing well and can't wait for an update on Bob. He sounds great and you deserve it.

Beckey said...

I was so happy to see your post!I miss your family. Sounds like life might be getting a bit smoother for you. I wish you the best with Bob. He really sounds like a good fit. I think you should move to Utah. I am just north in Idaho! You would really love it here. Hugs to you girl!

MiniCooper452 said...

So glad to hear from you. Sorry about your trials, but happy that you've found someone to share the emotional burden. I miss your humor and, of course, that turned into WA. Praying for you and the kids and Bob. God Bless.

Anonymous said...

I have been checking occasionally to see if we would hear from you again. I was so glad to see your post. I am both happy for you (Bob) and sad for you (Jake) but the important thing to remember is that there is no perfect life...just in the end, a fulfilling one. You are doing all the right things by relying on your faith, your friends and most of all yourself. I send prayers and best wishes to you to remain strong and loving during the difficult times and experience joy during the good times.

CoffeeGurl said...

I truly lovvvved this update Bethany! I've often wondered how you and the kids were making out! Sooo happy for your awesome news.. and off to read your next update! ;) hehe