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Monday, March 28, 2011

As Sweet As A Cupcake

Hey there :) How was your Sabbath? I woke up with a little boy wanting to snuggle at around 6:30am. It was kinda nice, actually. Jim fell back asleep, and I just kinda dozed. He's so sweet :)

I woke up at 8am (I know, pushing it, since we have to leave at 8:40am to be on time), and I told the kids to get dressed, and woke Jake up. And I brushed my hair, put on some lip gloss, and threw on a dress. Yeah, I was gonna look lovely. hehe. OH well, I showered yesterday, right? ha!

I printed out my lesson for Eme's class (I was subbing), and gathered my things. And the kids got there things. And Jake freaked out when I told him he needed a tie. And he made us late. Sigh. While Sunday SHOULD be the best, most peaceful day of the week, I find that it's not...

We drove to church, and were about 5 minutes late. Our row was taken, so we sat in the back. And Jake still didn't have his tie. The kids colored up until the Sacrament song, when I had them put away their stuff. And Jake freaked out again. And wanted to know (loudly) why he had to put his coloring stuff away. And then he decided to annoy me. "Mom...Mom...Mom...Mom...Mom...Mom".

I tried to be patient, and to be calm, but that only lasts so long. I told him to COME WITH ME TO THE HALL NOW, and had a little chat with him. I said that it's normal to doubt what you believe, but that you HAVE to be reverent during sacrament. To which he refused. So I told him that he was grounded from going to the Teen center on Tuesday (the next time he was gonna go), and that I was going back inside.

And I sat down, and tried to calm down. And after Sacrament, he came back in, picked up his coloring, and was fine for the rest of the meeting. Sigh. Then it was time for class, and everyone went off, and I went to teach Eme's class.

The lesson was on the scripture story of the Wise Man who build his house upon the rock, and the foolish man who build his house upon the sand. And we talked about how the gospel of Jesus Christ should be our "rock" or foundation, and ways that we could keep it our focus. For 9 year olds, they were pretty "on the ball".

In between Sunday School and the last hour, Jacobs Sunday School teachers (young married husband and wife) found me in the hall and wanted to talk to me about Jacob's behavior in class. Sigh. They said that he's a little antagonistic, and that while he's clearly very smart and knowledgeable, that he is disruptive and negative about church. Ya think?

They wanted me to give them suggestions on how to get him to behave. That's SO not what I wanted to hear today. I'm at my ropes end with the "will not behave", and for someone else to come to me and ask for solutions, yeah, they almost got an emotional, crying mom. But I held it together, explained the situation, and how I don't have a CLUE what to do, and how if they magically figure it out, to PLEASE clue me in...

So, after that lovely conversation, I headed back to primary, and sat with the 9 year olds. Paige was doing the Sharing Time, and had a matching the prophets game. The kids REALLY liked it. And we had a nice singing time, and it was soon time to go home.

We loaded up in the truck, and headed home. We (ok, the kids) Skyped with Captain America the whole way home. I don't know how they possibly could hear each other in the noisy suburban, but they seemed to do ok.

We got home, changed clothes, hung up the Sunday stuff, had lunch, and I Skyped with Captain America for about an hour while the kids watched a movie. And Captain America and I found an online e-book about how to deal with Teens with Asperbergs. I don't know if that's specifically what Jake has, but I think it probably is. I read the first few chapters, and it had some GREAT ideas for discipline. I'm gonna give it a try.

After our Skype chat, I came back out, turned off the tv, and we all pitched in and did chores. And we restructered the chore chart AFTER chores got done. Jake used to do a lot around the house, because he was home. But now that he's back in public school, he has WAY less time. Everyone has 3 major chores, and a part of the bathroom upstairs, and their rooms. Shouldn't be too hard, right?

Jake has ALL Boxer responsibilities (poo, walking, feeding, washing...), Living room floor, and backyard (plus mowing). Tom has washing dishes, dining room floor, and trash. Eme has kitchen floor, kitchen counters, and putting away the dishes. Joe has laundry room trash, putting away towels after they're washed, kitchen table, and he and Jim wash the door window parts. Jim gets to put away the kitchen towels, and organize the computer desk area. Yeah, the little boys have less chores or littler ones...

As for the upstairs bathroom, Jim is in charge of checking on the air freshner and making sure that there are 2 towels hanging up at all times. Joe changes the trash and take peoples dirty clothes from the floor to their rooms. Eme washes the counters and makes sure there's toilet paper. Tom washes the toilet and the floor. Jake washes down the tub, and the mirrors. IF they do this every day, then that bathroom shouldn't be horrible, like it is now... That's the plan, anyway.

And at the end of chores, after Jake worked SO hard to get his all done before the time limit, he freaked out, and got in trouble. At lunch time, he wanted to make a grilled cheese sandwich. And I said that if he used the grill, then he'd have to wash it. So when I saw it in the sink, I told him to wash it, and he FLIPPED out. Nope, he would NOT have made that deal with me. He just wouldn't have. So I must be wrong. And there was yelling, and angry, and door slamming. So I grounded him. And told him to stay in his room and clean it. And that I was gonna take out all of his toys, and I was SO mad. I really sucked at keeping my cool.... I'll do better next time.

So the rest of us had a pleasant evening. We watched some episodes of Doctor Who, and Kim Possible. And I napped on the couch and snuggled with Joe for a while. And Eme and I cut out strips of fabric (that we'd bought yesterday) for our flip flops. She made hers, and I made mine. And I did some Army ones for the little boys.

And soon it was time for bed. I'm sure we must have eaten dinner in there somewhere, but I didn't cook anything. It was kinda scavenge for what you could find mode. I REALLY need to go grocery shopping tomorrow. We're out of everything. Speaking of which, I don't know what the kids are gonna eat for b-fast. I'm out of milk. Maybe after I'm done here, I'll make some pancakes for tomorrow morning...

At 8pm, Jake volunteered to put the little kids to bed, and do scriptures and prayers with them. Wow, he really must be bored/sorry. And he did a super nice job with them. And I took Jake in my room, and we had a conversations about expectations. And a new system that we were gonna be trying. From now on, when he feels himself losing control, he needs to say that he needs a "time out" to cool off. Or I need to suggest one for him. BEFORE he gets out of control.

And, then we can talk about it after. BUT, if he chooses not to, then he's gonna be grounded from "fun" for 3 days. Friends, activities, toys, electronics, all that stuff that he wants to do. He said that sounded like a fair thing. And about Sacrament, he wanted to know if he could color during that part. I made a compromise with him, and said that he could read a church book during that time. We have a Book of Mormon reader of sorts, that's in somewhat of comic book style. I told him he could read that during the sacrament part. And he actually seemed excited about it. PLEASE pray that this works. I don't know if I can handle many more Sacrament meeting dramas...

Jake and Tom and I watched an episode of Chuck before bed, since I'd suspended his "Your in trouble forever" sentence. And then I sent the big boys to bed. I straightened up in the kitchen a bit, and here I am, at 9:15pm, and I'm just now finishing blogging. I feel like I'm starting to fall off the wagon with my diet. And I don't like the feeling. I didn't follow the menu today, and I find myself thinking about food a lot. I need to get back on it. Because I feel "safe" when I eat what I should, and it keeps the "cravings" and emotional eating episodes at bay...

I am going to Exercise group tomorrow, and the pool on Tuesday, and Exercise group and yoga on on Wednesday, and hiking on Thursday, and Exercise group on Friday, so I have a week's worth of exercise planned in, so THAT's good, right?

Click on the link below to go to my account to download the PNG file, and leave some love if you like my work. Thanks! (Mmmm, cupcakes sound good...)


hillbilly.mamma said...

You can't do it alone & it's unrealistic for you to think you can do it alone.
The first step is to get a final diagnosis for Jacob.Keep pushing until you have him diagnosed.Just well he is mildly autistic isn't helpful you need to know exactly where on the autism scale he is & what kind of autism you're dealing with.Is it possible he also has other issues? Oppositional defiant disorder is one that maybe you need to look at.
Once he is diagnosed then you can find resources to help you deal with him.To be honest you're not being fair to Jake not getting him the help he needs.It isn't going away,it's not something that you can deal with alone,it's not something that can be cured with the right discipline.To a stranger-it sounds as if he could use therapy.
I wish you well with him it's not easy living with these kids but we love them despite it all.

Stephanie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephanie said...

I agree (kind of) with hillbilly.mamma. You do need to get him diagnosed. If the on post docs don't want to help, call Tricare and demand a referral to an off post doc. And don't wait for them to call you, call them everyday until you have what you need. (Trust me, I've dealt with that a time or two)
However, I disagree with the part where she says you can't do it alone. You're a Military Wife, we do it alone all the time and it sucks and it's hard, but we have to adapt and overcome, right? Plus, you have a pretty amazing husband and an awesome support group. Talk to the girls when you need to vent, I'm sure they don't mind. Don't keep your feelings inside. If you feel the need to breakdown and cry, DO IT!
I wish I had some pointers on your diet, but I don't :( Sorry. I'm trying to eat better myself, but sometimes I just want to eat a whole box of Girl Scout Cookies or something.... But normally, I don't.
I'm glad you and Brent found the book, even if that isn't what Jake has, it might help in the short term.
Also, I'm sending you an email... It will be coming from Stephanie Duffy

Shannon said...

I'm going to pray for you and your family. My niece has Aspergers, so I have a lot of sympathy for you. I think you're doing a good job, though! Thank you for the freebie, and God Bless.

kathymack56 said...

I loooove this WA. (I love cupcakes too, hehe). Thanks Bethany for all your hard work.

Carole N. said...

This is so cute and as popular as cupcakes have been in kits this will be perfect for layouts.
Thanks so much.

Sandy_in_MD said...

Hang in there, Bethany - you and Brent are doing the right thing for Jake. The school may have resources available too. I hope today was a brighter day.

Thanks for today's word art!

Unknown said...

Bethany -- it can be a long,hard road to find an answer with Jake or any child who needs a non clear-cut diagnosis, but remember as the parent-you often have intuition/insight that the professionals don't into your child -- keep searching for answers and don't be afraid to vent or ask for help -- it always sounds like you have a great group of friends there to listen and help with what they can. Thanks for all the freebies you give to us to:)

Anonymous said...

Just a quick note to let you know that a link to this post will be placed on CraftCrave in the DigiFree category today [29 Mar 01:00am GMT]. Thanks, Maria

CBH said...

Thank you so much for this post. I want to let you know that I posted a link to your blog in CBH Digital Scrapbooking Freebies, under the Page 7 post on Mar. 28, 2011. Thanks again.

deb said...

Sounds like a rough Sunday. Praying things get better with Jake. Thank you for the word art that you continually put out in the midst of all the stuff going on in your life.

semoharty said...

Babygirl, I don't really know what else to say...except I love you and wish I could do more right now to help. I left more of thoughts to you in an email...please check it out if you haven't seen it already. Love you so much!